The getting through it time of year is upon me once again. I've been glowing and flying for the past couple of months, busy with school, the theatre, CPAR, work, crepes, thoughts of cajun food, a clean room and walks through the city. But, today I am full of responsibility and forgetfulness of the WHY. So, I am going to take a moment to remind myself why I do exams, placement applications, job interviews, meetings with professors, work. I am going to take a moment to realize that there's an end in sight. I once told someone that to get through school I always told myself "do well in school to justify adventure". Today I have to tell myself do well in life to justify LIVING.
I love new things. I try to do or see something new every day. More than that, I love introducing other people to new things, seeing their reaction, watching them adjust their world view. Apparently, "you see what you know" (Tony Price), so if I know a lot, I will see many things. I go to school to see new things, to learn how to see things in different ways, and in the long run try to help people to see things in new ways. I want to show people that living is not a zero sum game, though the dominant world system seems to think so. Sure, our resources are scarce, but if the rule says matter cannot be created nor destroyed, obviously a rearrangement of the status quo is possible.
I apply for placements and slightly scary responsibility-full jobs to expand this goal out of my comfort zone. I want to be part of the BIGGEST and the BEST things, but that requires me to start somewhere. I will not feel comfortable with something until after I feel a little uncomfortable, and comfort is mediocre at best. This is the hardest part. I've been told not to fear failure, and that I will miss 100 percent of the shots I don't take. So, I do scary things to face this fear of failure, and prove to myself that it is an illusion.
So often work seems like the odd thing out. Time spent with little relevance to my hopes, dreams and fears. It is comfortable, time consuming and irrelevant. But, it is also the easiest to understand. I work so that I can go to Cuba over christmas, so that I can drink second cup raspberry tea, so that I can buy Midnight's Children, so that I can take the bus to CPAR, so that I can chew gum and do yoga. I work so that one day 'work' won't seem like the odd thing out, but rather the vehicle to face fear and show others my world.
It takes me remembering these things to realize that this is not a getting-through-it phase, but part of life. I will always have times that aren't fun fun fun, but this doesn't mean that they are separate from real life. I used to classify life into kate-living and kate-doing, the former being the good parts of life and the latter the less interesting. But, in truth, the getting-through-it bits are fully integrated into the whole thing. I am not going to wake up one day and be grown up and settled and happy. And if I look at them this way, the getting-through-it bits aren't really just about getting-through-it after all.
And with that I can get back to work.
12.07.2005
10.29.2005
share-ation
When I hear, do or see something nice, or lovely, or beautiful, my immediate reaction is to want to share it. The difficulty is how exactly to get the person who I'm sharing my excitement with to acutally share the excitement. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that I often get very excited (to the point of chills) about things I can't quite put my finger on. Last night I got excited about an inpromptu private art show in my room when the combination of the tree outside my window and the fire truck with its lights flashing across the road projected a perfect, if decidedly abstract, video instilation on my wall. In my mind the "artist" was attempting to illustrate the seemingly seamless co-existance of man-made and natural objects that combine to make a city larger than the sum of its parts. Or today, when reading Focus in the Saturday Globe, I got all tingly about members of the Chinese diaspora in Canada returning to China to pursue a new/old life. How do I try to get you to feel those tingles if I have no idea what they were about? Yet, I desperatly want you to. I think that somewhere deep down, I want someone to be lucky enough to experience life as I do.
10.26.2005
Development and the Media
I have just discovered podcasting. I listen to the BBC all the time at home, but now I can listen to their best of while in transit. None of this having to listen to music anymore! The podcasts that are currently eagerly awaiting transfer from iBook to iPod are the documentary "Return to Sarajevo" (looking back at the wartorn country years later, with a specific focus on a set of people that they interviewed soon after the conflict) and the personal journalistic reflection of the day.
Especially lately I've been taken by the development relevance of all current events. Even the newspaper articles or radio broadcasts that don't deal specifically with issues of basic needs, humanitarian disaster, poverty, or health and environmental crises. Even the articles that seem to have nothing to do with the third world. For some reason, everything that is going on in the world is all relevant to the distorted wealth and power gradient of the world which is the incentive for development. Is it just that the world is going through a development phase? In a positive light, one could think that the world has become so global that the issues of other countries and foreign individuals are finally becoming important to the average Canadian citizen in a way that they have not in the past. In a more pessamistic view, one could say that global issues, and more specifically Canada's involvement in engaging with and manipulating global issues, are currently trendy, and thus the media frames most stories in that light. Perhaps it is just my academically aquired development coloured glasses.
Especially lately I've been taken by the development relevance of all current events. Even the newspaper articles or radio broadcasts that don't deal specifically with issues of basic needs, humanitarian disaster, poverty, or health and environmental crises. Even the articles that seem to have nothing to do with the third world. For some reason, everything that is going on in the world is all relevant to the distorted wealth and power gradient of the world which is the incentive for development. Is it just that the world is going through a development phase? In a positive light, one could think that the world has become so global that the issues of other countries and foreign individuals are finally becoming important to the average Canadian citizen in a way that they have not in the past. In a more pessamistic view, one could say that global issues, and more specifically Canada's involvement in engaging with and manipulating global issues, are currently trendy, and thus the media frames most stories in that light. Perhaps it is just my academically aquired development coloured glasses.
10.25.2005
flesh and blood
I have the october blues. I am bored. I crave more adventure than continued placement seeking, waitressing and school have to offer. So, about a month ago I applied to release my adoption records from the BC government. It turns out that my name at birth was Alexandra Robertson. My mother was/is Kate Robertson. And now I'm Kate Alexandra. So, I know more about who I was for that 11 days before I belonged to my current family, the Jongbloed-Gait's. Moments before turning to my computer to post this blog, I was busy starting the next step: an active search for my birth mum. Hurrah! This is something I've waited for ever since I can remember. Perhaps I'll make posts as I go through the exciting and emotional ride of meeting, or not meeting, my own flesh and blood for the first, second, third...time. For now, I just wanted to address some FAQs:
When did you find out that you were adopted, what was that like?
My parents told me so early on that I can't remember not knowing that I was adopted. As such, it's always been part of my identity. However, at first I was a bit confused, thinking that we were all adopted. As I understood it, all babies were switched to different, more appropriate, parents at birth.
Do you like your adoptive parents?
Sometimes, upon finding out that I"m adopted, people's reaction is to say, "oh, I'm sorry". But, the truth is I've never felt a lack because of my adopted nature. I have lovely parents, that are completely and totally my parents. I don't feel like I was rejected by my birth parents, as my father didn't know of my existance, and my mother wrote me a letter at my birth to explain why she put me up for adoption. She felt that she couldn't offer me all that she wanted at such a young age, and felt there was another family who could better take care of me. A fairly legitimate reason, I think. So, I feel like I have two and a half sets of parents that love me!
How are you going to find your birth mom, and what about your dad?
The government of BC has an active registry program where I apply to find my birth mother. They contact her, and if she is interested in having contact with me, the intermediary puts us in touch. However, there is a chance that she will reject my application for contact, and I will not be allowed to contact her. As for my dad, I don't think he knows I exist. I've signed up for a passive registry of all the rest of my family: if they've applied to be put in contact with me, then they can further it themselves. Depending on the results with my birth mother, I may or may not decide to become more active in my pursuit of other family members.
How does it feel?
I am excited and nervous. I'm nervous that my mom, as noone knows about my birth (her parents, my father, potentially her new family), might deny me contact. This would be very difficult as I've intended to meet her my whole life. Also, in general I would, at least once in my life, like to know someone who shares the same genes as me (though I suppose that will happen if I ever have children on my own). I am excited about being face to face with her, about discovering the similarities between us. Essentially, studying what is nature about me and what is nurture.
Stay tuned.
When did you find out that you were adopted, what was that like?
My parents told me so early on that I can't remember not knowing that I was adopted. As such, it's always been part of my identity. However, at first I was a bit confused, thinking that we were all adopted. As I understood it, all babies were switched to different, more appropriate, parents at birth.
Do you like your adoptive parents?
Sometimes, upon finding out that I"m adopted, people's reaction is to say, "oh, I'm sorry". But, the truth is I've never felt a lack because of my adopted nature. I have lovely parents, that are completely and totally my parents. I don't feel like I was rejected by my birth parents, as my father didn't know of my existance, and my mother wrote me a letter at my birth to explain why she put me up for adoption. She felt that she couldn't offer me all that she wanted at such a young age, and felt there was another family who could better take care of me. A fairly legitimate reason, I think. So, I feel like I have two and a half sets of parents that love me!
How are you going to find your birth mom, and what about your dad?
The government of BC has an active registry program where I apply to find my birth mother. They contact her, and if she is interested in having contact with me, the intermediary puts us in touch. However, there is a chance that she will reject my application for contact, and I will not be allowed to contact her. As for my dad, I don't think he knows I exist. I've signed up for a passive registry of all the rest of my family: if they've applied to be put in contact with me, then they can further it themselves. Depending on the results with my birth mother, I may or may not decide to become more active in my pursuit of other family members.
How does it feel?
I am excited and nervous. I'm nervous that my mom, as noone knows about my birth (her parents, my father, potentially her new family), might deny me contact. This would be very difficult as I've intended to meet her my whole life. Also, in general I would, at least once in my life, like to know someone who shares the same genes as me (though I suppose that will happen if I ever have children on my own). I am excited about being face to face with her, about discovering the similarities between us. Essentially, studying what is nature about me and what is nurture.
Stay tuned.
9.28.2005
wireless gratitude
OH! The thrill of choosing my physical computing space, unrestricted by wires or even doors, ceilings and walls. Thank you, University and other unsuspecting internet purchasers, for providing me with unlimited and magnificent access. Thank you mac for introducing me to the bright white iworld.
9.26.2005
I'm lying in bed with i. He's up early for rowing, and I'm in bed late after a late shift. We're out of sync in a nice way. I'm just paying attention to breathing and rain and the day's events. I'm surprised at the smile that comes to my face and the satisfaction it indicates.
Lately, I've been encouraged by many to start to streamline, and to work with focus towards my passions and goals...my future. But this is more complicated than it seems, as I'm apassionate. Or perhaps multipassionate, which tends to dilute passion for any one thing. I'm into art. I'm into beautiful things. I like good food, and bad food A LOT. I like doing my own thing. I like doing things with other people. I think being a waitress is fun. The middle east is an interesting region, and so is south asia. Conservative fiscal budgets sometimes make sense, accompanied by a lot of overseas development assistance and good social welfare. I want to be wealthy, but not increase the gap between rich and poor. I think the economic aspects of development are important. So are the health ones. And the environmental ones. And I really like eating vegetables with a knife and fork.
This plethora of interests and beliefs makes streamlining complicated. My direction is foggy. I've been satiated for a while with staying in Toronto and taking a interdisciplinary degree, but now that it's coming to an end...my career is coming to a start and I must focus. I must make choices leading to a semi specific outcome.
The trouble is coming up with that semi specific outcome that I belive will satisfy in the long run. So, I am dissatisfied. But, in the meantime, satisfied.
Lately, I've been encouraged by many to start to streamline, and to work with focus towards my passions and goals...my future. But this is more complicated than it seems, as I'm apassionate. Or perhaps multipassionate, which tends to dilute passion for any one thing. I'm into art. I'm into beautiful things. I like good food, and bad food A LOT. I like doing my own thing. I like doing things with other people. I think being a waitress is fun. The middle east is an interesting region, and so is south asia. Conservative fiscal budgets sometimes make sense, accompanied by a lot of overseas development assistance and good social welfare. I want to be wealthy, but not increase the gap between rich and poor. I think the economic aspects of development are important. So are the health ones. And the environmental ones. And I really like eating vegetables with a knife and fork.
This plethora of interests and beliefs makes streamlining complicated. My direction is foggy. I've been satiated for a while with staying in Toronto and taking a interdisciplinary degree, but now that it's coming to an end...my career is coming to a start and I must focus. I must make choices leading to a semi specific outcome.
The trouble is coming up with that semi specific outcome that I belive will satisfy in the long run. So, I am dissatisfied. But, in the meantime, satisfied.
7.17.2005
the Night Commuters
Went for a long walk the other day. The ngo I volunteer with, Canadian Physicians for Aid and Relief are cosponsoring a Gulu Walk month, where two men walk from their homes to City Hall every night, sleep, and then walk back in the morning (about 10k each way) in order to publicize the cause of rurual Ugandan children who make a similar treck daily to the city. They do this in order to escape abduction by the rebel army who depend on child soldiers for their war, and spend the night in a camp called Gulu. This twice daily 10k often makes children miss school, leading to perpetuation of societal problems. The Toronto Gulu Walks taking place in July are building momentum, with more and more people joining the daily trek. So, I joined in last Thursday, and plan to do a couple more before the month is out. See www.cpar.ca or www.guluwalk.com for more details. If any of you are interested in going with me, let me know and we'll make a social advocacy date of it.
Kate
Kate
7.07.2005
Desperatly Seeking Sublet
$415 - Cheap and Big Room for Rent (Woodbine and Danforth)
Reply to: katejongbloed@gmail.com
I have a room available in a four bedroom house at Woodbine and Danforth in Toronto for the months of July and August.
Rent is $415/month but negotiable and includes utilities.
The house features two bathrooms, a spacious porch, free inhouse laundry, commonspace and a full kitchen.
It is centrally located with quick access to subway, the beach, greek town, and downtown.
Possibility to extend lease in August. Also, there is another room in the house available if you are interested.
695 Milverton Blvd at Woodbine and Danforth
Reply to: katejongbloed@gmail.com
I have a room available in a four bedroom house at Woodbine and Danforth in Toronto for the months of July and August.
Rent is $415/month but negotiable and includes utilities.
The house features two bathrooms, a spacious porch, free inhouse laundry, commonspace and a full kitchen.
It is centrally located with quick access to subway, the beach, greek town, and downtown.
Possibility to extend lease in August. Also, there is another room in the house available if you are interested.
695 Milverton Blvd at Woodbine and Danforth
7.05.2005
Preparing for the Third World
To quote Jen, this might just be "the greatest summer ever". I am so busy with work and play, I don't really have a free moment. But to look at it another way, they are all entirely free moments. Hurrah! With every day I feel like a more capable human being. While that might not sound like a terribly exciting evolution, it is in the face of a placement year, and imminent real life. Last night I was very sick- food poisioning or something- and there was noone there to hold my head, get me water and blankets. All I could think was "I'm glad this is happening, it's good practice for being in a developing country" because I had to get through it myself.
I don't have a computer at home, and while this is a definite plus for my social life and personal growth, it is less good for things such as emailing and blog posting. Thus, please stay tuned regardless of the sporadic nature of my blog status quo, as I'm sure that during placement I will make more use of Kidding Just.
Also, please note the recent additions to my right hand side: Marit, and the On Placements: Lauren, Laura and Jess. These three are other members of our IDS team heading away (you guessed it, on placement) next year, so perhaps it will be interesting to keep track of all of us?
Kate
I don't have a computer at home, and while this is a definite plus for my social life and personal growth, it is less good for things such as emailing and blog posting. Thus, please stay tuned regardless of the sporadic nature of my blog status quo, as I'm sure that during placement I will make more use of Kidding Just.
Also, please note the recent additions to my right hand side: Marit, and the On Placements: Lauren, Laura and Jess. These three are other members of our IDS team heading away (you guessed it, on placement) next year, so perhaps it will be interesting to keep track of all of us?
Kate
6.15.2005
Wherefore art thou Placement?
I have a bunch of really cool friends. For example, I just got an email from one who just climbed Mt Kilimanjaro, and in the email used this climb to describe his whole experience working in a refugee camp in Tanzania where he's been for the past 9 months. Another is set to leave for Mexico in August to document the Zapatista movement in Chiapas. Actually, I have two friends in Mexico right now: one is volunteering with Doctors without Training, and the other is doing a reciprocal language program where he learns spanish, and teaches english. Speaking of Latin America, one of my closest friends is leaving in September to spend a year volunteering and going to school in Ecuador, and another friend should be arriving back from El Salvador shortly. If you go a little more East, I have two friends in Brighton at the moment, busy discovering themselves. And then there's one who'll spend the rest of her summer treking around Turkey. But even close to home, they're doing interesting things: I have a couple friends from Victoria who will be showing up on my doorstep momentarily to spend a couple of days with me on their trip across Canada. And another who said to Jen last week "this is probably the best summer so far" because it has been filled with trips to big cities, episodes underwater, and as ever, Toronto urban adventure.
So, all this amazingness makes me sit and wonder, what does my next amazing year hold? Why don't I know what I'm doing yet? Is this a bad sign? Even with these questions, I feel confident that within the next three months I will be able to provide a post that paralells these friends of mine in their capacity to adventure. But for now, stop asking me about placement!
So, all this amazingness makes me sit and wonder, what does my next amazing year hold? Why don't I know what I'm doing yet? Is this a bad sign? Even with these questions, I feel confident that within the next three months I will be able to provide a post that paralells these friends of mine in their capacity to adventure. But for now, stop asking me about placement!
6.07.2005
granted
My lovely world crashed a little the other day (however it seems to have righted itself now). In the blur of happiness and summer fun, combined with life-sucking jobs, I found myself in a brief crisis of lies, not getting things done, and more responsibility. The main problem in these situations is how hard I am on myself. The feelings of guilt and failure set in. I missed a deadline (I had send my application, but it wasn't up to par) for placement, because I don't have a computer and therefore neglect my inbox. My sublet decided to move out, and so I could perhaps find myself paying two rents in July. Worst of all I ditched Jen for a guy and lied about it (for about 5 minutes before I called her back in tears apologizing!). Today, however, is sunny, and I've got money in my pocket. I like the colour of my hair.
When things start to crumble, though, you realize how much good there is that you take for granted.
Kate
When things start to crumble, though, you realize how much good there is that you take for granted.
Kate
5.25.2005
Home?
OH! So happy to be back in the city. It's so busy and there's a million things I could do. So far I've amused myself by riding my bike to the CPAR office to pick up some stuff for the interview on Friday, on bloor near dundas west. I'd never been in that neighbourhoodand it's so nice to ride to! On my way back i went through little italy, then china town (to look for work shoes and buy vegitables) and finally up to Robarts library where I am now. I'm getting all my admin stuff done before I go to swim practice at 6 and then to meet Jen andElla for beers because she's leaving tomorrow.
I've only been back a moment but already I'm in love with the city again and everything's in full swing. I mailed the letter and chequeto the government today to start to find my birth mother, which shouldbe another interesting part of the summer.
Hurrah for unlimited things to do (even if they aren't involving mountains or oceans), and what seems like unlimited time to do them in.
I've only been back a moment but already I'm in love with the city again and everything's in full swing. I mailed the letter and chequeto the government today to start to find my birth mother, which shouldbe another interesting part of the summer.
Hurrah for unlimited things to do (even if they aren't involving mountains or oceans), and what seems like unlimited time to do them in.
5.18.2005
Victoria and area is full of lovely things to do that one doesn't do anywhere else in the same combination. I've been here for a little over a week, and I've been busy doing nice things, because that is what one does here. Today was no different, as my mum and I went up Island to some of the local wineries for a bit of a wine tour. We started at the one pictured above, where we had a delicious lunch of crab cakes and creme brulee, and a cheaky little Damascus wine. Our next stop advertised that "visitors are always welcome to ... share our salmon stream and sunlit vineyard views". Mum and I joked with the guy behind the tasting counter (who was actually their landscaper, but was for some reason leading tasting tours today) that we were actually there for the salmon stream and not the wine. He looked at us strangely, and eventually I convinced him to let us take a look at it. As it turns out, "sharing" the salmon stream involved a precarious hike down and extremely steep and slippery slope. And there were no salmon. By the end of it I was muddy and unfit for further wine touring. I should have taken the fact that the vineyard was far from sunlit as a sign. We made one more stop before we returned home via the scenic route, with no less than 12 bottles of wine. I think my current glow is less from the alcohol and more from an entirely well spent day and recent pleasant activity.
5.11.2005
Smells like BC
In Victoria once again. This happens more than I predicted when I left for Toronto two years ago. Every time I come back there's a different emotion. This time I feel more at peace with the whole deal- I'm not trying to viciously reject my roots as much as I once did. But everything is sort of hazily and eerily familiar: I keep thinking that I"m going to run into someone I know, and that I won't recognize them, yet everyone I come across looks sort of familiar. It smells and smiles like Victoria, and the flowers and wind and water are beautiful. It would be so easy to slump into HOME LIFE, but I'm determined to take advantage of all the good things that I use to brag about the West. So, tomorrow if it's nice I'm booting it down to the beach in my spanking new bikini after a coffee and some italian pastries with my father. I am happy to be back in a large part because I am so happy in Toronto- you'd think it'd be the other way round.
If you're from Victoria, you may as well give me a call.
If you're from Victoria, you may as well give me a call.
5.02.2005
Spah-dina
The summer has begun. It's been a crazy transition from school to no school...no school for 1.5 years! I finished my last exam on Friday, and then went straight into party mode. The whole evening was great, with dinner, drinks, good people, and then the bar. I went to bed late and woke early for work, and of course the day was complete crap, but for some reason I like a good hangover once in a while. It lets me know I'm alive! I got home after work and spent the evening PACKING everything I own (which, when organized, fits into a space of one meter by two meters) before the house invaders (new tenants) arrived the next morning. By 12am I was about to lose it- exam (no sleep), party (no sleep), work (no sleep), packing (no sleep)= anger and irrationality. In a serendipitous turn of events, I managed to use the house invaders van to get my stuff to my new place, and so quicker than I thought I have a new home. It's a great location (close to everything), and the interior is pretty good too. Since the move I've had a couple of two to four hour naps in between dropping friends off at the airport, goodbye breakfasts, lunches, dinners and drinks. It's finished today, and I started my "real" summer life about two hours ago. If start as you mean to go on applies, I'm excited and ready for this summer!
4.24.2005
Welcome Andrew
A few weeks ago, a homeless Newfie stumbled upon our world with the help of Craigslist, and has since been occupying our couch and cleaning our kitchen. He is lovely and makes me laugh, and is incredibly useful in many ways. You can find him here: Dorkosis.
4.20.2005
Method to Live
Blogs induce a certain degree of guilt, and I have decided that this guilt is completely not useful. Moreover, it implies a feeling of responsibility to one's readers, and since I have very few, it is still more irrational to feel guilty. As a result, this is my last apology for infrequent posting: I am sorry that I post infrequently. From now on, I am adopting the attitude that infrequent posting simply reflects my status quo, and is therefore a fundemental element of attempting to document my life online.
Today it is rainy, and I feel sort of like I am in a subtropical semi-arid montane forest because I have my windows open and a fern near my window...okay it's a long shot, but entirely satisfying no less. I am trying to study for my three upcoming exams- south asian politics, french, and conservation of tropical forests- but am consumed by thoughts of my future.
I was thinking about something Grant said on his blog about lifestyle careers, and have decided that I am either not trendy enough, or too trendy, and don't want that at all. I've decided that through my life I've succeeded entirely by chance. Basically, nice things just keep happening to me. So, flipant as this sounds, it is my aim to go on in this fashion. As long as I can keep running into new opportunities every time I feel the need for transition, I am happy to just go with what presents itself to me, as one thing always leads to another. Perhaps it's what is known as the "hands off" approach to life...or maybe the "I have no idea what I want, but just about anything sounds good" approach.
The fact that I've got about 5 years planned that completely complies with this notion of floating career bodes well for this experiment. Constant monitoring and evaluation to follow.
Today it is rainy, and I feel sort of like I am in a subtropical semi-arid montane forest because I have my windows open and a fern near my window...okay it's a long shot, but entirely satisfying no less. I am trying to study for my three upcoming exams- south asian politics, french, and conservation of tropical forests- but am consumed by thoughts of my future.
I was thinking about something Grant said on his blog about lifestyle careers, and have decided that I am either not trendy enough, or too trendy, and don't want that at all. I've decided that through my life I've succeeded entirely by chance. Basically, nice things just keep happening to me. So, flipant as this sounds, it is my aim to go on in this fashion. As long as I can keep running into new opportunities every time I feel the need for transition, I am happy to just go with what presents itself to me, as one thing always leads to another. Perhaps it's what is known as the "hands off" approach to life...or maybe the "I have no idea what I want, but just about anything sounds good" approach.
The fact that I've got about 5 years planned that completely complies with this notion of floating career bodes well for this experiment. Constant monitoring and evaluation to follow.
4.05.2005
Loca
Disclaimer: we are all crazy.
Post body:
Living in a house of crazy people has helped me to relax. Illogical you say? No. Crazy people make me want to be less crazy, more accepting of the status quo, and appreciative of the things I do have in life that are wonderful. So, when people stress disproportionatly about school, or put too much emphasis on comparative marks, or cry because the vibe in the house is overwhelming, I feel able for the first time in my life to step back and not be influenced by people around me as much as I have been in the past. I have finally figured out how to live beside people, and not become them. So, with this very zen attitude, I have found peace and love in my house. Of course, I have long loved the individuals in my house, but the entire makeup- building, inhabitants, auras and all- has emerged in my mind as this entirely entertaining and entirely wonderful component of my current happy life. No doubt this has something to do with the fact that our time together is coming to an end and things are always better when you know you're leaving, but still I'd like to think that I've grown this year: grown in happiness, grown in tolerance, and also grown in less streamlined ways.
Post body:
Living in a house of crazy people has helped me to relax. Illogical you say? No. Crazy people make me want to be less crazy, more accepting of the status quo, and appreciative of the things I do have in life that are wonderful. So, when people stress disproportionatly about school, or put too much emphasis on comparative marks, or cry because the vibe in the house is overwhelming, I feel able for the first time in my life to step back and not be influenced by people around me as much as I have been in the past. I have finally figured out how to live beside people, and not become them. So, with this very zen attitude, I have found peace and love in my house. Of course, I have long loved the individuals in my house, but the entire makeup- building, inhabitants, auras and all- has emerged in my mind as this entirely entertaining and entirely wonderful component of my current happy life. No doubt this has something to do with the fact that our time together is coming to an end and things are always better when you know you're leaving, but still I'd like to think that I've grown this year: grown in happiness, grown in tolerance, and also grown in less streamlined ways.
3.28.2005
Mini Break
It had been so long since I'd hung out with parents...not only mine but anyone's in general. Also, I felt ridiculous when I tallied the sheer number of nights spent in my own bed since moving into this house. So I went home with Jen this weekend for a Cambridge Minibreak. My easter weekend had been diverse already, with a gallery opening, a punk show, breakie with the girls, a long downtown walk, a night at the races, and work, and the theme of diverse fun continued in the small Ontario town. I felt a little like I was in Victoria again. We parked about a block from the club, there was no line up, we could arrive in our tshirts, there were no girls in miniskirts and stillettos...none of the Toronto clubbing difficulties, like hikes to and from the club, fashion obsession (to the point of ignoring the FUN of going out). Anyway. Night one was great. The next day was even more like good old Vic because there was little to do, and so we ended up at a coffee shop, going for a run, playing some frisbee, taking pics, and dropping in on friends around the town. Very different from my life in Toronto where I can usually always think of something to do, to the detriment of my random visits to friends and physical play time. But that love has been rekindled. The highlights, of course, included portuguese shrimp, kissed lips, Jen 24/7, tequilla, B-52s, turkey dinner, fish cakes, the Newfies and seeing what Jen's life was before me...
It seems very appropriate that this quasi-spastic blog just sort of trickles out. Perhaps I will work more on content next time???
Kate
It seems very appropriate that this quasi-spastic blog just sort of trickles out. Perhaps I will work more on content next time???
Kate
Mini Break
It had been so long since I'd hung out with parents...not only mine but anyone's in general. Also, I felt ridiculous when I tallied the sheer number of nights spent in my own bed since moving into this house. So I went home with Jen this weekend for a Cambridge Minibreak. My easter weekend had been diverse already, with a gallery opening, a punk show, breakie with the girls, a long downtown walk, a night at the races, and work, and the theme of diverse fun continued in the small Ontario town. I felt a little like I was in Victoria again. We parked about a block from the club, there was no line up, we could arrive in our tshirts, there were no girls in miniskirts and stillettos...none of the Toronto clubbing difficulties, like hikes to and from the club, fashion obsession (to the point of ignoring the FUN of going out). Anyway. Night one was great. The next day was even more like good old Vic because there was little to do, and so we ended up at a coffee shop, going for a run, playing some frisbee, taking pics, and dropping in on friends around the town. Very different from my life in Toronto where I can usually always think of something to do, to the detriment of my random visits to friends and physical play time. But that love has been rekindled. The highlights, of course, included portuguese shrimp, kissed lips, Jen 24/7, tequilla, B-52s, turkey dinner, fish cakes, the Newfies and seeing what Jen's life was before me...
It seems very appropriate that this quasi-spastic blog just sort of trickles out. Perhaps I will work more on content next time???
Kate
It seems very appropriate that this quasi-spastic blog just sort of trickles out. Perhaps I will work more on content next time???
Kate
3.25.2005
Wereld Stad
A novelty: a day completely free of responsibility. As a student, this rarely happens as in the subconscious there's always this sense of the next paper, the upcoming exam. But, today I've shed these preoccupations for the sake of our saviour. Nix that. For the sake of myself. Really, it started last night with a gallery opening followed by a punk show (choosing an outfit to match both: trying), and a greasy breakfast this morning featuring past and future travel stories with four girlfriends. Up next is a walk through China Town, Queen St (Fashion District), Downtown, to my current favourite neighbourhood around the St. Lawrence Market for Starbucks and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And what's really nice is that what comes after that is open to discussion!
Happy Easter.
Happy Easter.
3.23.2005
Multiple choice
I told a friend of mine last year that it wasn't often that I felt I had to make big decisions, or rather that my decision is usually 'both'. Yet, every once in a while the need for a decision comes by and virtually debhilitates me. I think this comes from the same place that my desire to be a secretary plus comes from. I want to work for a genius, enabling his/her decisions, but not making my own.
The case is similar now. I have two almost placement offers...two maybes. Both provide me with completely different information, making comparison very difficult, and for both the information is only half there. Yet, both want to know where I stand in the placement process (ie: if I'm working for a different placement, they want to drop me out of the selection). Okay, so I tell both that I'm interested and prolong the decision for one more step. But what then?
The first, I talked about earlier. It would be with WUSC and a small local NGO on the south east coast of Sri Lanka, working with Tsunami victims. So current! So exciting! Buddhists, civil conflict and rainforests oh my!
The second is with PWS&D and the Institute for Development Education in Chennai, India. I would work in the villages outside of the city for 6 months, and then in the city slums for 3 months. The final three months would be research based. The work would be based around women's empowerment, literacy, economics, and child labour issues. Wow! So intense! So self directed! So throwing me in the deep end!
In multiple choice, when you don't know how to decide, they say to pick the longest answer. I don't think the decision will be so easy!
Kate
The case is similar now. I have two almost placement offers...two maybes. Both provide me with completely different information, making comparison very difficult, and for both the information is only half there. Yet, both want to know where I stand in the placement process (ie: if I'm working for a different placement, they want to drop me out of the selection). Okay, so I tell both that I'm interested and prolong the decision for one more step. But what then?
The first, I talked about earlier. It would be with WUSC and a small local NGO on the south east coast of Sri Lanka, working with Tsunami victims. So current! So exciting! Buddhists, civil conflict and rainforests oh my!
The second is with PWS&D and the Institute for Development Education in Chennai, India. I would work in the villages outside of the city for 6 months, and then in the city slums for 3 months. The final three months would be research based. The work would be based around women's empowerment, literacy, economics, and child labour issues. Wow! So intense! So self directed! So throwing me in the deep end!
In multiple choice, when you don't know how to decide, they say to pick the longest answer. I don't think the decision will be so easy!
Kate
3.19.2005
Bailarphobia
There is something that terrifies me about salsa dancing. My friend is a fan, and people back from placement in South America do it at any chance they get. But it scares me shitless. Is this a legacy of dancing lessons with my father taught by Bernard? Or what? Really, this phobia is ridiculous and obscure. Simply for that reason I must overcome. I almost made it out to learn tonight, but not quite. Manyana.
3.07.2005
Ceylon
This is the closest I've been yet to placement: I had an interview today with WUSC who proposes to send me to Sri Lanka (in the south-eastern part) to work with a small local NGO there and help tsunami affected people re-establish livelihoods. The interview went well. I think it was more of a formality with WUSC as it's the local NGO who decides if they want me in the end. So, if any of you are interested in visiting Sri Lanka in the next year, you might have a place to stay!
3.01.2005
Welcome
I have recruited new blog participants. Welcome to a round the world discourse of IDSers and wannabe management students.
Matthieu
Jess
Matthieu
Jess
2.28.2005
FOTO
So, I have finally figured out how to post pictures on my blog once again. These are courtesy of my dad and his fabulous camera from our trip to the Netherlands this winter vacation. Enjoy!
I really hope that I'll be able to keep this blog going when I'm on my placement...surely the posts will be more interesting! But, depending on my internet connection and the level of censorship in the country where I'm working, it may or not be possible. Stay tuned!
kate
I really hope that I'll be able to keep this blog going when I'm on my placement...surely the posts will be more interesting! But, depending on my internet connection and the level of censorship in the country where I'm working, it may or not be possible. Stay tuned!
kate
IDS musings: a positive week
International Health Week and Canadian Landmine Awareness Week all in one shot! I am so happy to be volunteering again- the year off last year felt right, but I'd forgotten how much voom it gave me. Of course it's self serving, as I get praised, and get to exhibit my creativity, but at the same time I hope that I'm helping just a little. In IDS I get bogged down with hopelessness for the world so often. I am greatful to people around me who keep reminding me that little things make a difference, and that I don't need a revolution to affect change.
2.26.2005
Where I've been is certainly not where I'm going
create your own visited country map
or check our Costa Rica travel guide
So. According to me this is completely inadequate. I've only visited 5percent of our great Earth...only 5percent of the landmass at that! 12 countries. My goal is to see red.
2.17.2005
Pour Devrai: Toronto
Oh! What a wonderful city! Since Matthieu and I seemed to be the only ones not getting out of Toronto for reading week, we decided to do everything we hadn't in Toronto to date (and some of our favourite things that we've done a million times). We had indian buffet in Little India, went to the children's theatre, checked out St Lawrence Market (if you love a deli...), window shopping on Queen Street, baking muffins, coffee on King Street, triple feature movies until early morning, Gerstien study sessions, Roxy Blu, breakfast, and planning our futures. It doesn't look like much on virtual paper, but it filled our week and was wonderful! WONDERFUL. I can't even describe it...perhaps I should just get to the moral of the story: if you build it, life will come. And friends will make it glow.
2.10.2005
PENNIES
Hello!
And welcome to my blog about pennies. I am having another penny party where you save your pennies for a month or so (and all other pocket change), and then sometime in March bring it over to my house where we'll be partying and rolling it. The proceeds go to Candadian Physicians for Aid and Relief, for their work with landmine survivors and other international health issues.
So, I urge you, even if you're in a different country or different city, save your pennies, etc, change them at the bank, and send even just 5 dollars for this worthy cause. Last time I had one at my house we raised over $500 for the Salvation Army.
I will let you know later on when the party will be, so please rsvp to my comments or email to let me know if you want to participate.
Kate
And welcome to my blog about pennies. I am having another penny party where you save your pennies for a month or so (and all other pocket change), and then sometime in March bring it over to my house where we'll be partying and rolling it. The proceeds go to Candadian Physicians for Aid and Relief, for their work with landmine survivors and other international health issues.
So, I urge you, even if you're in a different country or different city, save your pennies, etc, change them at the bank, and send even just 5 dollars for this worthy cause. Last time I had one at my house we raised over $500 for the Salvation Army.
I will let you know later on when the party will be, so please rsvp to my comments or email to let me know if you want to participate.
Kate
1.26.2005
Goodlums
It is a beautiful day. The sun is out, the snow is fresh and the sky is blue. But also along the lines of beauty is my mood in general, the world through my eyes. I have just finished Cool To Be Kind by the boys of the Extreme Kindness Crew, and my faith in goodness is restored. Lost in a jumble of cyclical development discourses, I have been using my intention to "develop" as a source of arrogance, and inaction. I am stuck in this notion of development being impossible without a radical overhaul of the world system, and I don't like radical activism, but at the same time feel like I'm doing something better than other people who aren't in development. The boys have put goodness in my hands again, and made me a more humane than I've been in a long time. And while I'm still not ready to give up my hope of saving the world, for day to day life, goodness is pretty good.
1.20.2005
1.16.2005
Picking Favourites
Terribly social all of a sudden. Who knew it was so easy? There's always something to do. Could it be that I've finally found my place in Toronto, only to be leaving it in the next month or four? Alas, the problem with moving about is that you have too many terrific friends in so many places, and lack the ability to maintain daily interaction with them. Sarah said to me the other day that it was amazing because most of her favourite people were in the same city all at once and that had never happened before. I can't imagine that ever happening! It would have to be a mixture of Holland, BC, Toronto, and France. And perhaps a little London and Tanzinia thrown in. But, instead of analysis and planning, I should be content with the status quo, and the fact that so far this semester, every day has been filled with something wonderful.
1.05.2005
Gezellig
I love this country. This trip has been a study on how to force the cohesion of things I like about Holland and Canada and myself in both of these places. I like the intensity of friendships in Canada, but I like the informality and frequent going out in Holland, and the "live in the present" attitude. Perhaps it is just the friends that I have here?
I just spent a week away from my family here, first going to Doetinchem where lived three summers ago. I had new years with Joliet and Erik and the rest of the crew, and apart from the double takes, it was as though I'd never left. Then on to Groningen for a few days with Frank; it was fantastic as usual. We've all planned to meet up in Madrid in three years time. I'll keep you posted on that.
Tomorrow I'm back on the plane, ready to enable fusion of two worlds.
I just spent a week away from my family here, first going to Doetinchem where lived three summers ago. I had new years with Joliet and Erik and the rest of the crew, and apart from the double takes, it was as though I'd never left. Then on to Groningen for a few days with Frank; it was fantastic as usual. We've all planned to meet up in Madrid in three years time. I'll keep you posted on that.
Tomorrow I'm back on the plane, ready to enable fusion of two worlds.
12.28.2004
A'dam: Wereld Stad
Yesterday was wonderful! After three days of delightful but unknowlingly rather oppressive family, we escaped (thanks to Nederlanse Spoorwegen) to Amsterdam. First we wandered over canals to the Noord Kerk (north church), and ate apple pie (the best dutch kind) and coffee in an obviously popular cafe on the corner. We had to wait for a while with tray in hand for a space to become available. From there we walked to the Dam square (which houses the Grand Kransnapolski hotel, the Palace, the New Church, the Bijkorf, and Madam Tussads). We'd done it all before, so walked through the shopping streets to the Van Gogh Musem. We spent a few delightful hours there. Can you believe that in the two months before he killed himself, VG made 80 paintings? That's more than one a day! From there we wandered through a market, broodje kroket and patat in hand. On the other end we found a little bar from eons ago, and went on a bit of a pub crawl through all the oldest bars in A'dam. When we were feeling warm, we decided to check out Ocean's 12, and were very much pleased (especially since part of it takes place in Amsterdam). Finally, we got soarma and donerkebab for the way home (extra garlic sauce) and ran for the train.
The idea for today was to repeat in Rotterdam, but the conditions outside are slightly uncondusive to a day of wandering around the city. Instead, we'll stay inside with books and emails.
The idea for today was to repeat in Rotterdam, but the conditions outside are slightly uncondusive to a day of wandering around the city. Instead, we'll stay inside with books and emails.
12.25.2004
Arrived
After a three hour delay in the Toronto airport (well spent reading A House for Mr. Biswas by Naipaul), I found myself on the plane seated between to men, visible polar opposites. To my left was the tall skinny pale nervous guy, and to my right was the shorter squater darker sort of odorous guy. Turns out, from my conversations with each, that they were also internally polar opposites also. With one I spoke about the spectroscopic measurement of flames he was doing for his post doctoral research, and spoke French with him about everything else under the sun. With the other I talked about his flight squeemishness, and how he resolved it by his faith in Allah and by reading the Qu'ran during take off and landing, and later I helped him determine whether the cereal bar we were given was halal. It was interesting because both had such definite world views and hard set beliefs, but they came from extremely different places. I felt a bit like the middle ground, with my tendecy towards atheism, and my scientific skepticism.
Now I'm here in The Netherlands, reflecting on a delightful flight, and a delightful fish dinner, and a still more delightful breakfast, waiting for the rest of the delight that is in store for me.
Now I'm here in The Netherlands, reflecting on a delightful flight, and a delightful fish dinner, and a still more delightful breakfast, waiting for the rest of the delight that is in store for me.
12.14.2004
Day One: Freedom
My first day post-exams: delightful, mixed with occassional bouts of stress due to the overwhelming feeling that there was something that I was supposed to be doing. Hope that this feeling will become less frequent as the christmas vacation progresses. In general, this freaks me out, because the level of stress I felt this semester is out of line.
Today:
-Woke up late (10am)
-Cleaned the house a bit
-Welcomed friend Kate who spent the semester in England
-Looked at photos and was filled in a bit
-Spent three hours traversing urbania with Kate in tow: Yorkville, Downtown, Zara, Capezio, the Munk Centre for International Studies, UofT, Red Room, China Town, The Annex, Honest Eds and back through Greektown and home again.
-Decorated the house with tacky Honest Eds and Chinatown decorations while watching Love Actually (freaked out on the couch a couple of times thinking I was supposed to be doing something.)
-Mel joined: Kraft dinner and Wolf Blass, followed by Shrek two and a small amount of arts and crafts.
And so begins my vacation.
Today:
-Woke up late (10am)
-Cleaned the house a bit
-Welcomed friend Kate who spent the semester in England
-Looked at photos and was filled in a bit
-Spent three hours traversing urbania with Kate in tow: Yorkville, Downtown, Zara, Capezio, the Munk Centre for International Studies, UofT, Red Room, China Town, The Annex, Honest Eds and back through Greektown and home again.
-Decorated the house with tacky Honest Eds and Chinatown decorations while watching Love Actually (freaked out on the couch a couple of times thinking I was supposed to be doing something.)
-Mel joined: Kraft dinner and Wolf Blass, followed by Shrek two and a small amount of arts and crafts.
And so begins my vacation.
12.13.2004
notes
The semester from hell (well mostly, I learned a lot which is delightful) is now over. Holy mother Thank YOU!
Time to start the readings for next semester...I mean MAKE THINGS- it's like I've been waiting forever for this.
And Cheers to closer friends in Olivia. you're mask-tastic.
Time to start the readings for next semester...I mean MAKE THINGS- it's like I've been waiting forever for this.
And Cheers to closer friends in Olivia. you're mask-tastic.
12.05.2004
Gotta get through this
I struggle with 'getting through it' phases of life. I quite like life in general, and there are some really excessively great bits, but sometimes I find that I try, but can't seem to like what's going on. I mean, I can see technically that I shouldn't hate it, and there's lots of great things going on at the same time, but my emotions are just not responding favourably. Perhaps an example will be more illustrative. I am in my third year crunch: the past two weeks have been the hardest academically to get through so far in my uni career, and I can't wait for the next two to be over, because they're mental as well. But in my heart I feel that I shouldn't hate it- I like school, and I don't like having 'get through it' times because I feel that then all the normal (like school, work) bits of my life will be get throughs to the exceptionally good bits. Maybe what I'm asking of myself is to just enjoy everyday life more, and that's the problem. I used to like everyday life much better than I do right now, but I feel like I should right now also because the same things are going on. Also, I would like to be able to control my happiness...say that I'm going to be happy about this and then-ta da- I would be happy about it. And then eventually I wouldn't have to think about it, I would just be happy about everything (or most things). People suggest that I should pay attention to the good details more, but I don't think that's the issue- I see good things everywhere, my heart just doesn't see them. I suppose it's an issue of needing to be surprised by joy: one can't look for it. But how do I stop looking?
11.21.2004
Party analysis
Why is it that I only party in Europe? Do we have some going out deficiency here in Canada? Is it the people I hang out with? It seems that it's so much of an effort here, cause you've gotta get all fancied up, and end up taxiing home, money... lineups, bla bla bla. I miss being in the same place every friday night in Doetinchem; what does it take for that to happen here? I'm sure that it's got a lot to do with me and my butterflys about coordinating outings- I never want to lead the way and have it be a failure! I think it also has to do with only having a limited number of friends here...in Victoria it's easier, though not as great as in Holland, because you know that you'll know someone no matter what. Even in Montreal I found it tough, even with the copious venues, as I felt I didn't really have anyone to ask, and even those I did it stressed me out to plan something. Basically, I just wanna be able to call someone up, and go for a beer, and then dance my ass off, without it being such a hassle!
So, this becomes my homework: find a venue to enable zero stress going out, go...with or without a posse, and one day a posse will develop.
So, this becomes my homework: find a venue to enable zero stress going out, go...with or without a posse, and one day a posse will develop.
11.17.2004
11.16.2004
Kate "Clean Clothes" Jongbloed
A moment of happiness, a moment of elation. During the time I spent in Scarborough today, a washer miraculously appeared in our kitchen! It's ugly and bootleg, and who knows where it came from and when its function will be replaced with our own functioning washer, but for right now I'm just exctatic at the prospect of clean underwear! clean socks! more vetement choice! I had resorted to a new value village wardrobe every week to get over this hump of non-laundry (I calculated and figured it would only be about twice as expensive as using the laundromat, and it would be money more lastingly spent in the long run as I would still wear the new clothes after our washer was returned in full working order, and it had the bonus of minimizing my insatiable appetite for clothes shopping.), but now the long loved staples will be back in rotation!
So, I'm currently in a mad rush to get as many loads done before my competition for washer access returns in the form of roommates. I figure I can at least get two or three loads through, and also get first dibs on the drying racks, which will certainly not go far given the amount of dirty laundry that will get clean tonight! I can just picture a gloriously messy house, covered top to bottom, on every available drying space, with our assorted styles and style mistakes!
Hurrah!
So, I'm currently in a mad rush to get as many loads done before my competition for washer access returns in the form of roommates. I figure I can at least get two or three loads through, and also get first dibs on the drying racks, which will certainly not go far given the amount of dirty laundry that will get clean tonight! I can just picture a gloriously messy house, covered top to bottom, on every available drying space, with our assorted styles and style mistakes!
Hurrah!
11.09.2004
Stagnant Blog
I wonder, given my lack of interest in blogs (specifically mine) at the moment, if anyone will read this blog. However, in this case the tree still exists even if noone hears it fall.
I am in a one track mode right now. This year is all about PLACEMENT. Yes, three years ago when I decided I wanted to pursue an education in International Development, I was largely swayed by the prospect of one year overseas working in a development situation. And so, preparation for that year is now upon me...inside me...in my head, on my tongue, in my inbox. Some things are becoming clearer: I will actually find myself in a country of the Global South in 9 months or less. I am excited and scared shitless at this notion, fearing curling iron withdrawl and a general sense of uselessness/helplessness. I also know that there are some VERY interesting initiatives going on in the world with the intent to alleviate poverty, and I'm interested in being part of one (or more as life goes on).
I find myself in meetings with potential employers, excited about their projects and mandate, or in others, afraid at the responsibility and self-direction that is required of me. I am conscious of my marks, of the potential to apply the things I'm learning in class, and the state of my resume.
These being the thoughts cycling through my head, I think it's important also to look at the linear and the concrete that is also present in my thoughts: I would really like to find myself in South Asia next year, working with people who I learn from and who direct me successfully in a project that I feel is useful and productive in the face of extreme inequality. Period. This being said, I'm sure that wherever I end up, it will be an experience like none other- perhaps one that I will be loath to repeat, but one that helps me learn about the world a whole lot more and propells me out of academia into real life.
So, stay tuned for my placement wows and woes. Perhaps I'll write more from Anuradhapura?
Kate
I am in a one track mode right now. This year is all about PLACEMENT. Yes, three years ago when I decided I wanted to pursue an education in International Development, I was largely swayed by the prospect of one year overseas working in a development situation. And so, preparation for that year is now upon me...inside me...in my head, on my tongue, in my inbox. Some things are becoming clearer: I will actually find myself in a country of the Global South in 9 months or less. I am excited and scared shitless at this notion, fearing curling iron withdrawl and a general sense of uselessness/helplessness. I also know that there are some VERY interesting initiatives going on in the world with the intent to alleviate poverty, and I'm interested in being part of one (or more as life goes on).
I find myself in meetings with potential employers, excited about their projects and mandate, or in others, afraid at the responsibility and self-direction that is required of me. I am conscious of my marks, of the potential to apply the things I'm learning in class, and the state of my resume.
These being the thoughts cycling through my head, I think it's important also to look at the linear and the concrete that is also present in my thoughts: I would really like to find myself in South Asia next year, working with people who I learn from and who direct me successfully in a project that I feel is useful and productive in the face of extreme inequality. Period. This being said, I'm sure that wherever I end up, it will be an experience like none other- perhaps one that I will be loath to repeat, but one that helps me learn about the world a whole lot more and propells me out of academia into real life.
So, stay tuned for my placement wows and woes. Perhaps I'll write more from Anuradhapura?
Kate
10.23.2004
Yo
I think that fall is my favourite season. I always go in for transition, although I tend not to deal with it very well. Fall is one of those times that catches up (or slows down) to fit my state of mind. I feel like a cozy and solitary but on the go person most of the time, and fall is that time of year. You bundle up to go out, but still go out. Everything feels so alive, and the weather is perfect for my favourite new look: old man chic. Thank you value village for your trench coats and wool pants. Anyway, I must go and enjoy my season. Peace.
10.17.2004
It's getting cold in here.
Bah. Winter is setting in. It is one of those yummy sundays where you're unlikely to venture out of the house, as you're content to avoid adventure for the day. The colours of my bedroom were made for days like this, and so were miso soup lunches. My housemate Jen is wandering around with a vivid pink scarf around her neck, and the cold really is just making things more warm.
I am struggling with a paper that calls for me to revolutionize development. Of course I'm struggling. If I could just slip one novel or innovative idea in I would be content. Alas, I feel academically marginalized to such an extent, which combined with a general dissatisfaction with development as a notion makes it virtually impossible to complete the assignment.
And in my current state of coziness and overflowing creativity (it's been one of those months...one of those that I've never had before), I just want to MAKE SOMETHING! With this in mind I have resolved to perhaps allow myself an hour or two to convert my flowerpot bench into an ottoman. Wish me luck.
Kate
I am struggling with a paper that calls for me to revolutionize development. Of course I'm struggling. If I could just slip one novel or innovative idea in I would be content. Alas, I feel academically marginalized to such an extent, which combined with a general dissatisfaction with development as a notion makes it virtually impossible to complete the assignment.
And in my current state of coziness and overflowing creativity (it's been one of those months...one of those that I've never had before), I just want to MAKE SOMETHING! With this in mind I have resolved to perhaps allow myself an hour or two to convert my flowerpot bench into an ottoman. Wish me luck.
Kate
10.10.2004
M.Dot
Am in Montreal once again, if only for a moment. As we approached (I was driving!), I felt this wave of emotion (as it seems that all emotion comes in waves, no matter how generic that may sound) fill me with love and excitement for being back. And as we drove up St Laurent, I felt at home, and that I fit in. It's a reaction that I didn't expect, as I've been so happy in Toronto. I guess I'll just have to reserve a smidgen of my future to come back here.
Hurrah for happiness.
Hurrah for happiness.
10.07.2004
life
I feel like I have a lot of posts that are entitled life. I define life sort of separate from living. Right now I'm in a life phase, because my days are full full full, but I've got no exceptional stories to recount as a result. I wake up at 7, eat breakfast, go to school, maybe go to work or the gym or do homework, and sometimes paint, go out, and eat gyros, which fills my day completely until 11:30 when I fall into bed exhausted. Then, of course, it starts all over again. Living, on the other hand, provides the kind of entertainment I know you, the four that read my blog, love and want.
However, I must admit that I'm finding huge satisfaction and general happiness as a result of life right now. I'm keeping up with myself for the first time in ages, and producing output. Hurrah. Really, I don't know anyway else to explain it.
However, I must admit that I'm finding huge satisfaction and general happiness as a result of life right now. I'm keeping up with myself for the first time in ages, and producing output. Hurrah. Really, I don't know anyway else to explain it.
9.27.2004
No-Value Mart
So, I've done it before and I'll do it again. This blog is part Kate, part comparative food shopping/vending exploits. Perhaps that is me?
I went to the local Valu-Mart today, and as usual the entire experience was ridiculous. Perhaps my supermarket perceptions are warped because of my tremendous epicerie experiences in Montreal (see previous posts for details), but I don't think so. There was one time when there was a two per customer limit on toilet paper, and the couple infront of me was trying to buy six packages. I stepped in and offered to buy the third pair, so they handed me the money and I gave it to the cashier. Instead of a simple, "sorry, you can't do that", I got a verbal melodrama on how she was going to lose her job because of us and bla bla bla. Another crucial factor in the Valu-Mart's ridiculous masquerade as somewhere I'd really like to spend the 6oclock dash for tonight's dinner is the fact that they hire hairnetted old women to restock the shelves instead of delightful young men (think Thrifties Produce Boys....hawt.) Also, they're having a phase now of selling President's Choice credit cards. It's always the same guy, but he asks me to sign up every time, both on my way in and way out.
But, today, it was probably the most practical disappointment I've experienced at No-Valu Mart. I went in for three items: (knowing full well that I'd end up with more) soft tortillas, yogurt and milk. First, they have no whole wheat tortillas. Fine, okay, they can only get a limited amount each day to ensure that they don't have surplus because they won't be able to sell it anymore because it's not fresh. Okay. Second, yogurt. The store didn't have any plain skim yogurt. None. Not even the expensive brand. And I was there at the time of day when everyone does their shopping, on a weekday! Milk I had no trouble with but then came the extra items. Popcorn. I seriously went up and down every possible isle looking for it...except obviously the frozen food section where it would not have been. Wrong. There it was, right next to the door to the back, next to the halibut nuggets and lean cuisine. It's not the first time I've had trouble finding stuff there. I went for nacho chips, and there weren't any. Ridiculous, no? Okay, today I found where they are hidden...in the mexican food isle, nowhere near the chips and pop!
AAAAArrrrgggg! All I ask for is for a well organized grocery store, with reasonable prices and friendly faces. Will every shopping trip be a hike out of my neigbourhood or a battle with nonexistant logic and unhappy staff? Shoot me now.
I went to the local Valu-Mart today, and as usual the entire experience was ridiculous. Perhaps my supermarket perceptions are warped because of my tremendous epicerie experiences in Montreal (see previous posts for details), but I don't think so. There was one time when there was a two per customer limit on toilet paper, and the couple infront of me was trying to buy six packages. I stepped in and offered to buy the third pair, so they handed me the money and I gave it to the cashier. Instead of a simple, "sorry, you can't do that", I got a verbal melodrama on how she was going to lose her job because of us and bla bla bla. Another crucial factor in the Valu-Mart's ridiculous masquerade as somewhere I'd really like to spend the 6oclock dash for tonight's dinner is the fact that they hire hairnetted old women to restock the shelves instead of delightful young men (think Thrifties Produce Boys....hawt.) Also, they're having a phase now of selling President's Choice credit cards. It's always the same guy, but he asks me to sign up every time, both on my way in and way out.
But, today, it was probably the most practical disappointment I've experienced at No-Valu Mart. I went in for three items: (knowing full well that I'd end up with more) soft tortillas, yogurt and milk. First, they have no whole wheat tortillas. Fine, okay, they can only get a limited amount each day to ensure that they don't have surplus because they won't be able to sell it anymore because it's not fresh. Okay. Second, yogurt. The store didn't have any plain skim yogurt. None. Not even the expensive brand. And I was there at the time of day when everyone does their shopping, on a weekday! Milk I had no trouble with but then came the extra items. Popcorn. I seriously went up and down every possible isle looking for it...except obviously the frozen food section where it would not have been. Wrong. There it was, right next to the door to the back, next to the halibut nuggets and lean cuisine. It's not the first time I've had trouble finding stuff there. I went for nacho chips, and there weren't any. Ridiculous, no? Okay, today I found where they are hidden...in the mexican food isle, nowhere near the chips and pop!
AAAAArrrrgggg! All I ask for is for a well organized grocery store, with reasonable prices and friendly faces. Will every shopping trip be a hike out of my neigbourhood or a battle with nonexistant logic and unhappy staff? Shoot me now.
9.21.2004
Neutrality
I know that I've talked to some of you about it already, but I just wanted to say it here. I've been feeling very intellectually neutral lately, as though there's a lot going in but not a lot coming out as a result. I've becoming introverted, not only socially, but academically as well. I have a tutorial class where one gets marks for participation, but I fear speaking up. Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice) once said, "We don't like to speak unless we'll say something that will amaze the whole room," and I often feel that way. The discussion we have is nothing but regurgitation of the text or the class, said as if it was our own. Yet I can't seem to rise above that type of conversation myself. I want to amaze the whole room!
9.18.2004
Ah Ha!
I am online again. Hurrahrific.
My mum is here visiting in Toronto. It's great to spend time with her, as it's been a while, but more than that too: this is the first time she's come to visit me at my house. Prior to this, she's never seen the way I live when I'm not at home in BC. For the past year, I've had a whole life- friends, routines, habitat- that she's never seen before. I'm glad that now when I chat to her on the phone, she'll know what I"m talking about. She'll know the comute to school, but that it's worth it not to live in Scarborough. She'll know who Sarah is when I tell her it's her birthday. She'll know where I'm sitting when I tell her I'm emailing her from the library.
It's always strange to have a past life and a present one overlap. Jess is in town from Montreal...there's overlap there too. I guess I should perhaps categorize less?
I'm back.
Love Kate
My mum is here visiting in Toronto. It's great to spend time with her, as it's been a while, but more than that too: this is the first time she's come to visit me at my house. Prior to this, she's never seen the way I live when I'm not at home in BC. For the past year, I've had a whole life- friends, routines, habitat- that she's never seen before. I'm glad that now when I chat to her on the phone, she'll know what I"m talking about. She'll know the comute to school, but that it's worth it not to live in Scarborough. She'll know who Sarah is when I tell her it's her birthday. She'll know where I'm sitting when I tell her I'm emailing her from the library.
It's always strange to have a past life and a present one overlap. Jess is in town from Montreal...there's overlap there too. I guess I should perhaps categorize less?
I'm back.
Love Kate
9.05.2004
Woodbine and Danforth
In my new house in Toronto. Wow. Toronto isn't Montreal, and I can't really deal. But, at the same time, it's good to be here, and I'm having fun in our new house. I got my metro pass and I feel a bit more mobile, but it's nothing like turning a corner and buying beer at the dep. Forgive me for comparing, dear Toronto. I can't help it!
I'm strict into my getting ready for school regime: getting up by 9 each day, not drinking coffee, sleeping by 11 and getting things done. A bit different than the summer no?
I'm in limbo right now, without furniture, without plates...it was different in res because at least one had a bed and a dresser! Thankfully, Ella is moving in on Thursday and bestowing upon me a magnificent futon! The rest must be gleaned from trips to Honest Ed's and Ikea (which my dad claims is not meeting its former standards.)
And so, such is life...a hodge podge of to do and finished and what next.
What next?
I'm strict into my getting ready for school regime: getting up by 9 each day, not drinking coffee, sleeping by 11 and getting things done. A bit different than the summer no?
I'm in limbo right now, without furniture, without plates...it was different in res because at least one had a bed and a dresser! Thankfully, Ella is moving in on Thursday and bestowing upon me a magnificent futon! The rest must be gleaned from trips to Honest Ed's and Ikea (which my dad claims is not meeting its former standards.)
And so, such is life...a hodge podge of to do and finished and what next.
What next?
8.31.2004
The Prodigy
Tee hee. JF just bought me the new Prodigy cd and it rocks my world. I had tried to strategically line up for the listening station at HMV without cramping the guy's style who was on it, or pressure him to leave. So, I threw the earphones of another station on, so I wouldn't look like I was loitering. Alas, in the time it took me to do that, the switch had happened and I had missed my chance. When I finally got it, I shook my booty right there in the store! Hurrah!
Funny how the cd case is so so so similar to the new Basement Jaxx. Anyway, hurrah for owning cds, as I don't unless someone gives them to me!
This cd is good for an emotional day. I'm a bit up and down today, as one of my roommates left for BC today, I'm about to head back to Toronto, and it doesn't feel that i've got everything figured out (like a bed???). Also, it's sad to leave this wonderful wonderful city...not only am I leaving it behind, but the part of me that is Montreal- because that is definitly not university. Anyway, from my perspective change is always good. Dan Cownden who came to visit us this summer here said that it's best to leave anything, or stop eating anything, just before you get sick of it.
Love Kate
PS- HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATE!!!
Funny how the cd case is so so so similar to the new Basement Jaxx. Anyway, hurrah for owning cds, as I don't unless someone gives them to me!
This cd is good for an emotional day. I'm a bit up and down today, as one of my roommates left for BC today, I'm about to head back to Toronto, and it doesn't feel that i've got everything figured out (like a bed???). Also, it's sad to leave this wonderful wonderful city...not only am I leaving it behind, but the part of me that is Montreal- because that is definitly not university. Anyway, from my perspective change is always good. Dan Cownden who came to visit us this summer here said that it's best to leave anything, or stop eating anything, just before you get sick of it.
Love Kate
PS- HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATE!!!
8.25.2004
EOS
A day off. What do I do with myself, really? Well, breakfast is for sure. Then I've got oodles of logistics stuff to work out, as the next two weeks are going to be mayhemic. The St Laurent St Sale is this weekend, so I"ll be making sanwiches 12 hrs a day for the next four days, then heading to Brennan's going away party before perhaps hitting New York with JF for a few days. Then I've gotta make sure I've got all I need, stuff wise, to get into a car with Mila and drive back to Toronto, where i live in a house I don't even know the address of! Holy Fuck!
It's just great that I always feel like I"m doing something exciting.
Love Kate
Ps Hello to anyone on placement who reads these?
It's just great that I always feel like I"m doing something exciting.
Love Kate
Ps Hello to anyone on placement who reads these?
7.26.2004
Gratuit
If I were to pick my top ten of Montreal, which I'm not, I would definitly include Moving Day. From what I've heard, once upon a time rent was very very cheap here, especially in the Plateau district where I live. So, people got into the habit of moving as often as they wanted, and for some reason that was all the time. Whenever they move, they leave all the things that they don't want on the side of the street. This means that the days around the first of the month provide for excellent scavenging. Last month, I went out with the Moving Day Guru, Batman, and found a mint condition (and very comfy) computer chair, and a huge ornate mirror. The two went well together in terms of transport home. Today I found a wooden dresser, which I will sand and prime today, and eventually paint (when I figure out how I want it.) All I still need is a desk, and I'm set for Toronto. Of course there's still a bed as well, but there are limits to what one will pick up off the street! Another win for No Budget Decorating.
7.25.2004
NoBudget Decor
Lordy lordy am I a happy camper. I just finished a full day of painting, moving, painting, and rearranging. I heart decorating. The long story is that Jess, our summer roommate, has two rooms, and Brennan and I had to figure out who got which one. It was a tough deal because one is magnificent: huge comfy bed, desk, wardrobe, almost floor to almost ceiling windows, and basically just a way bigger squarefootage. The other room contained an ugly laminate floor, an uncomfy futon, a undelightful terracotta coloured wall, a window opening onto the noisy courtyard and the multi use computer (therefore a fair bit of traffic). I had the amazing room for 2 months (though Bren often shared the bed with me), and now have traded into the small room. I wasn't sleeping well, and was just plain disatisfied.
So, today we fixed it. Inspired by a new orange and pink mosaic mirror from a garage sale, Jess and I got to work. Twelve hours later, the computer is in our common space, I have a desk so I don't invade Bren's room, my bed is no longer under the window, the ugly wall is a nice sunny yellow, and the accessories (picture frames, clock, decorative records, lightswitches, paintings, etc) are all colour coordinated with the new mirror. I would say it's a bit of a candy room. The best thing about it is that Jess, who has a very different style from me (aka stolen icecream signs, Homestar runner paraphernalia, and billions of friend photos) still shines through with all the bright colours. That's important because it's her office during the year. As it stands, the transition will be simple- and an improvement from last semester. And...it only cost us $15!!!
Hurrah!
I used to redoo my room in Victoria at least twice a year, and not only did the finished product refresh me, but the process thrilled me. It's no different here. Perhaps 'Kate's No-Budget Student Decor, Inc.' is in my future?
So, today we fixed it. Inspired by a new orange and pink mosaic mirror from a garage sale, Jess and I got to work. Twelve hours later, the computer is in our common space, I have a desk so I don't invade Bren's room, my bed is no longer under the window, the ugly wall is a nice sunny yellow, and the accessories (picture frames, clock, decorative records, lightswitches, paintings, etc) are all colour coordinated with the new mirror. I would say it's a bit of a candy room. The best thing about it is that Jess, who has a very different style from me (aka stolen icecream signs, Homestar runner paraphernalia, and billions of friend photos) still shines through with all the bright colours. That's important because it's her office during the year. As it stands, the transition will be simple- and an improvement from last semester. And...it only cost us $15!!!
Hurrah!
I used to redoo my room in Victoria at least twice a year, and not only did the finished product refresh me, but the process thrilled me. It's no different here. Perhaps 'Kate's No-Budget Student Decor, Inc.' is in my future?
7.18.2004
Pavot, Sesame, Nature
Today I might have accidentally have bought way too many bagels. Should I start from the beginning? Earlier, I manipulated my way into a shift at work that perfectly made my week to 40 hours (11-2). I got home and it was ridiculously hot, so with a lot of effort I got myself off of the couch and ready for an adventure to Fairmount Bagels, which is about a 15 minute bike ride away, but makes the best bagels in the city. I'd never made the trip unsupervised before.
My first boob happened before i even left the house: I chose to wear my grey miniskirt. I can safely say that I've flashed every inhabitant in Montreal between Prince Arthur and Fairmount. I had to deposit my gst cheque (woo hoo) in the bank in the other direction, so I went there first, flash flash flashing all the way, and in general fearing for my life because of the sketchiness of the bike I was riding (one half brake...or maybe I should call it a "slow", pedals in a wonky angle, curly handlebars that aren't fixed very tightly, flat tires and basically a little too big for me...). I deposited the money, and went to get avocado and tomato to go with my prospective bagel sandwiches.
While I was in the store, a freak rain storm broke out, and so me, a granny in a moomoo (???) and the Clowns Sans Frontiers camped out in the grocery store for a while. Eventually, the weather chilled out a bit, and I took off again, flash flash flash. I made it to the bagel store, and stood in line, planning my order in French. I wanted half a dozen; a mix of poppy, plain and sesame. Unfortunatly, it must have come out as "please give me lots and lots and lots of bagels," because I ended up with 3 half dozens. I was too embarassed to correct the mistake, so I paid and left.
The ride home was going really well...there was no stop signs like there had been on the way, and I was just cruising along. Then I realized that the reason I had no stop signs was because I was going the wrong way down a one way street, and so they didn't indicate to wrong way traffic where to stop. So basically it was just really really lucky that I didn't get hit. Anyway, now I'm home and safe and will sit down, pop Big Fish in the VCR and eat my 1.5 dozen Fairmount Bagels.
My first boob happened before i even left the house: I chose to wear my grey miniskirt. I can safely say that I've flashed every inhabitant in Montreal between Prince Arthur and Fairmount. I had to deposit my gst cheque (woo hoo) in the bank in the other direction, so I went there first, flash flash flashing all the way, and in general fearing for my life because of the sketchiness of the bike I was riding (one half brake...or maybe I should call it a "slow", pedals in a wonky angle, curly handlebars that aren't fixed very tightly, flat tires and basically a little too big for me...). I deposited the money, and went to get avocado and tomato to go with my prospective bagel sandwiches.
While I was in the store, a freak rain storm broke out, and so me, a granny in a moomoo (???) and the Clowns Sans Frontiers camped out in the grocery store for a while. Eventually, the weather chilled out a bit, and I took off again, flash flash flash. I made it to the bagel store, and stood in line, planning my order in French. I wanted half a dozen; a mix of poppy, plain and sesame. Unfortunatly, it must have come out as "please give me lots and lots and lots of bagels," because I ended up with 3 half dozens. I was too embarassed to correct the mistake, so I paid and left.
The ride home was going really well...there was no stop signs like there had been on the way, and I was just cruising along. Then I realized that the reason I had no stop signs was because I was going the wrong way down a one way street, and so they didn't indicate to wrong way traffic where to stop. So basically it was just really really lucky that I didn't get hit. Anyway, now I'm home and safe and will sit down, pop Big Fish in the VCR and eat my 1.5 dozen Fairmount Bagels.
7.16.2004
Hier
Yesterday was perhaps my favourite so far this summer. I woke up late, and did some self maintenance before meeting our new found fabulous fabulous friend Ray for lunch. He took me out to Zenya, this delightfully chic and tasty sushi restaurant high up in a building on St Catherines Street. Tres delicieuse! I wandered around the underground world of the Bay and the Eaton's centre, and emerged in Little Italy (with help of the Metro) at about 4pm. I had a visual meal of the Jean Talon market, and sat on a little terrace with a cappuccino and A Prayer for Owen Meany. I wandered back along St. Laurent Street to my house, where I found Brennan on the balcony. We ate grapes (what you never thought you'd miss by not living with your parents, until you realized how expensive they are...except in Montreal) and discussed our extreme singledom, after which I had a nap. Brennan woke me at 8, and we went to Ceramic Cafe to paint pots and giggle. The night was topped off with an adventure with Roz and Bren to le Parking, a multi tiered discotheque in the Gay Village. Thursdays is straight friendly night. I was in bed by about 3, and up early this morning ready for the 12 hour shift ahead of me at the deli.
The nice things about days like yesterday is that once you've had one, they're easily repeated.
Love Kate
The nice things about days like yesterday is that once you've had one, they're easily repeated.
Love Kate
7.12.2004
Today
Yes, these posts are few and far between. Somehow I've managed to kick my computer addiction, but I"m sure it will be back in full force in September. In short, life is good, MOntreal is fun, I'm an over analyst and work in general blows goats.
6.27.2004
Oranje
Ah. The Virus is gone. I have my own computer once again, and there is noone staying in our guest room for the moment (only for the moment), so I can breathe and blog.
Since the last series of less than enthusiastic blogs, my general temperament has become much better. I seem to have reached an equilibrium between work and play...though there are some extras I should also be working on (must pick and sign up for my courses by next wednesday.)
I know that this sounds nearly terrible, but others inability to cope in certain situations makes me realize that my capability is actually greater than I sometimes think. Lately, the deli has been mayhem, first with the steet fair, and now since Mila (the store manager) has left. Occasionally I feel my irk increasing, but mostly I just do my best. Many of the others get more and more pessamistic, more and more stressed. I may worry, and I may over analyze, but luckily not nearly as much as some people. Funny that the deli always helps put things in perspective for me.
In other news, Vive le Pays Bas!
Love kate
Since the last series of less than enthusiastic blogs, my general temperament has become much better. I seem to have reached an equilibrium between work and play...though there are some extras I should also be working on (must pick and sign up for my courses by next wednesday.)
I know that this sounds nearly terrible, but others inability to cope in certain situations makes me realize that my capability is actually greater than I sometimes think. Lately, the deli has been mayhem, first with the steet fair, and now since Mila (the store manager) has left. Occasionally I feel my irk increasing, but mostly I just do my best. Many of the others get more and more pessamistic, more and more stressed. I may worry, and I may over analyze, but luckily not nearly as much as some people. Funny that the deli always helps put things in perspective for me.
In other news, Vive le Pays Bas!
Love kate
5.31.2004
OOps
Don't think I finished my last blog. Sorta indicative of how I feel about Kidding Just at the moment...about how I feel in general. Perhaps General should be a proper noun. I'm in a fabulous city, and a fabulous part of a fabulous city, but feel bored and alone a lot of the time. I think it's a product of living surrounded by people for the past year that I've completely forgotten what it was like to entertain myself, as I've done in every other city I've ever been to, apart from Toronto. I try to force myself out of the bubble that holds me back from exploring and adventuring sans roommates. Still working on it.
As I do with most things, I've tried to discover a remedy to the things that ail me, and here's what I've come up with. And, as per usual, they are fairly standard however hard to come up with slash implement. I will get out more...I will try to meet other people...I will follow my heart, responding eagerly to its call to excitement...I will say yes to every opportunity that presents itself (easier when I felt slightly more wealthy)...I will regain my academic vigour, as a month off of internalizing important information is surely long enough...I will maybe once in a while go for a run.
SO, as I often say, wish me luck.
As I do with most things, I've tried to discover a remedy to the things that ail me, and here's what I've come up with. And, as per usual, they are fairly standard however hard to come up with slash implement. I will get out more...I will try to meet other people...I will follow my heart, responding eagerly to its call to excitement...I will say yes to every opportunity that presents itself (easier when I felt slightly more wealthy)...I will regain my academic vigour, as a month off of internalizing important information is surely long enough...I will maybe once in a while go for a run.
SO, as I often say, wish me luck.
5.28.2004
St Laurent
I live near an extremely trendy street here in Montreal. I'd say I can't stand it, but really I revel in it, and as a result, get totally dressed up to do my grocery shopping. And it's nothing like an everything-you-need Thrifties run. No. Today, in my pointed silver flats, coiff, delightfully distressed jeans, black off-the-shoulder shirt and fabulous dangly earrings, my first stop was the bootleg dry goods store right around the corner: bananas, always 49 cents a pound; all bran for $1.99; tofu, cottage cheese, sundried tomatoes. Then, I went to the ancient grocer with the ancient cash register, who always gets peeved when I squeeze his avacados: "Les tous sont bien". His wife died recently though, so we
5.16.2004
ARRRRRrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg!
Oh! The anguish that is missing a great plane fare online and facing the prospect of spending 200 more dollars than you thought you were going to. My insides are twisted, I'm speaking too quickly, and I find myself on the verge of lividity. It is expedited by my exhaustion resulting from full days speaking French to mostly less than accomodating customers, wrestling with my computer's wonky algorhythms, working out the details of September 2004 and beyond, and my current battle with homesickness!
So, I cry out for help...can anyone help me find a really cheap plane ticket to Vancouver from Montreal or Toronto during the first two weeks of June?
Love you all.
So, I cry out for help...can anyone help me find a really cheap plane ticket to Vancouver from Montreal or Toronto during the first two weeks of June?
Love you all.
5.15.2004
Decisions Decisions...
Am a bit stressed. I am at a point where I need to make a decision but don't quite have the right information. Something that has to be done now depends on something that doesn't have to be done now, and so I'm stuck. Plus, other people are in the mix, and I don't want to put pressure on them because of my inability to decide. When I speak in such general terms about a specific situation I find that it applies to more than one context present in my life. Figuring things out is hampered by my exhasution, potent deli smell, and laziness regarding dinner. It would all be okay if I could just be face to face with my parents for a moment or two! I miss you and love you both!
Thank heavens I have the house to myself.
Thank heavens I have the house to myself.
5.11.2004
September 2004
It is as though I've been here for weeks, months. My french is steadily getting better (Est-ce que vous voulez une sandwich saucisse douce avec de la moutard fort et du choucroute?), we now are the proud owners of a pet fish, and I'm starting to know my way around the city.
I'm starting to think a lot about what I'm going to do next year, whether I'll be at school again, or off on an adventure. How long can I prolong my undergrad degree while maintaining self legitimacy?
Sorry the blogs are so infrequent...life is fairly consistent, however delightful.
I'm starting to think a lot about what I'm going to do next year, whether I'll be at school again, or off on an adventure. How long can I prolong my undergrad degree while maintaining self legitimacy?
Sorry the blogs are so infrequent...life is fairly consistent, however delightful.
5.04.2004
5.03.2004
C'est la vie et la vie est belle
Life is so good. I live in Montreal, I volunteer at the local community kitchen delivering meals to elderly and handicapped, I live in an amazing apartment with two wonderful friends, I have a job at a Hungarian deli about 5 mintues from my house on St. Laurent, I play on a rugby team (maybe) and have access to a balcony, a fire escape and perhaps a roof patio (still working on that). My friends are wonderful, and their friends are wonderful (especially Adam our Filippeno nanny), and we're having a wonderful time. The atmosphere is relaxed (it takes us hours to get out of the house once we decide to go) and the food is good.
Kate always asks me "what was the best thing about today", and here there are too many to count. Yesterday, we had pain au chocolat with coffees from the nearest Portugese bakery (I picked up the coffees in my pyjamas!), while reading the french newspaper. We walked to the Bus Depot to pick up Jess's bike, which we assembled nearly all by ourselves! At one point a ridiculously goodlooking frenchman stopped to help, but alas, he was virtually hopeless, so we had to take over. We found a coffee maker (working) at a garage sale, and then on the way home ran into Terrance, who Brennan happened to tell that she wanted 100 Years of Solitude and couldn't find it anywhere...he had a copy and gave it to her! Then, we ran into Dave, who helped us eat gherkins and came home with us for slushy rum punches. Bren and Jess made individual pesto pizzas with avocado, Jess (Jess's boyfriend...hahaha) arrived. We kept going with the slushy drinks, and Adam arrived with a pineapple. At that point we had 6 of us on our balcony, and those of us that hadn't had too many rum punches feared for our lives. Brennan bailed because of an overreaction to weird Victoria connections (the movie store guy I was obsessed with is also her kickboxing instructor who she's obsessed with!). We drove to Jonah and Zev's, in the Ghetto, in a BMW convertable (refreshments-scotch mints provided), where we smoked a bowl. We relocated to Adam's other apartment, smoked a joint, and watched Super Troopers. We left, with our pants stuffed with toilet paper (we'd run out at home). Like I say, Life is good.
Much Love,
Kate
Kate always asks me "what was the best thing about today", and here there are too many to count. Yesterday, we had pain au chocolat with coffees from the nearest Portugese bakery (I picked up the coffees in my pyjamas!), while reading the french newspaper. We walked to the Bus Depot to pick up Jess's bike, which we assembled nearly all by ourselves! At one point a ridiculously goodlooking frenchman stopped to help, but alas, he was virtually hopeless, so we had to take over. We found a coffee maker (working) at a garage sale, and then on the way home ran into Terrance, who Brennan happened to tell that she wanted 100 Years of Solitude and couldn't find it anywhere...he had a copy and gave it to her! Then, we ran into Dave, who helped us eat gherkins and came home with us for slushy rum punches. Bren and Jess made individual pesto pizzas with avocado, Jess (Jess's boyfriend...hahaha) arrived. We kept going with the slushy drinks, and Adam arrived with a pineapple. At that point we had 6 of us on our balcony, and those of us that hadn't had too many rum punches feared for our lives. Brennan bailed because of an overreaction to weird Victoria connections (the movie store guy I was obsessed with is also her kickboxing instructor who she's obsessed with!). We drove to Jonah and Zev's, in the Ghetto, in a BMW convertable (refreshments-scotch mints provided), where we smoked a bowl. We relocated to Adam's other apartment, smoked a joint, and watched Super Troopers. We left, with our pants stuffed with toilet paper (we'd run out at home). Like I say, Life is good.
Much Love,
Kate
4.28.2004
Jentastic
While there are many fabulous people in my life, the one that needs recognition at this time is Jennifer "Fantastic" Fawcette. Oh! I wish that Village Photo hadn't gone all capitalist on our asses, or I would include a photo here. Alas, I will have to try and write a thousand words in place. The theme of the relationship between Jen and I during the second half of this year has been cohabitation. We bonded over music, western heartbreakers, red shoes, too much bloddy enthusiasm, and delight in short haircuts during September, October, November and December, and ultimately decided that we were destined to be roommates. Since then Jen has done all the stressing and effort exertion in order to make a compromise of my dreams and her dreams (which tend to be similar), and now Ella and Marit's dreams as well, a reality. And, mutha fucka, (mootah?)...she did it.
Next year, thanks to my darling darling fabulous fabulous Jennanigans, I will be living in a four bedroom house, next door to the subway station, in a fabulous little community, close enough to both school and downtown, paying only $420 a month. This palace of ours has inside laundry! big rooms! stained glass! hardwood floors! a kitchen big enough for a couch! a porch! a laundry line! My list could go on and on.
And in the face of such a triumph, Jen shows up at my house with a thank you card for me??? Yes, I love you, hon, but really that card should be for you.
So, without further ado, I'd like to say my mega thank you to this wonderful woman that happened into my life, and kicked things up a notch, without causing any unwanted havoc (is it possible to take me by storm without causing a storm?). I LOVE YOU JEN!
(slash, I'll write 307 words about her. Less than a third of a picture, but with Jen, the average person wouldn't be able to handle anymore)
Spare some change for a wicker ottoman from Ikea?
Next year, thanks to my darling darling fabulous fabulous Jennanigans, I will be living in a four bedroom house, next door to the subway station, in a fabulous little community, close enough to both school and downtown, paying only $420 a month. This palace of ours has inside laundry! big rooms! stained glass! hardwood floors! a kitchen big enough for a couch! a porch! a laundry line! My list could go on and on.
And in the face of such a triumph, Jen shows up at my house with a thank you card for me??? Yes, I love you, hon, but really that card should be for you.
So, without further ado, I'd like to say my mega thank you to this wonderful woman that happened into my life, and kicked things up a notch, without causing any unwanted havoc (is it possible to take me by storm without causing a storm?). I LOVE YOU JEN!
(slash, I'll write 307 words about her. Less than a third of a picture, but with Jen, the average person wouldn't be able to handle anymore)
Spare some change for a wicker ottoman from Ikea?
4.27.2004
Lama and Taxes
I feel triumphant, grown up and ready for a summer of increased independence. Last night, I did my taxes. I don't know anyone else that did their own taxes, apart from my darling parents, and that makes me delightedly self satisfied. Not that I'm surprised, but I don't have to pay them anything either!!! I think the satisfaction comes from the fact that everyone dreads doing their taxes, spends the day on it, and is toast at the end of it. Helps that I don't have any dependents, a spouse, or benefits. It's just nice to know that I can do it, and that I'll be able to do it myself for the rest of my life now.
I went to see the Dalai Lama the other day, and it was wonderful to see him. It was interesting, not because what he was saying was particularily profound or new, but because it was him that was saying it. In addition, the dynamic of the crowd at the event (in the skydome) was drastically different than the one that was present at the Blue Jays home opener that I went to a couple of weeks ago. Of course, it was an extremely positive speech, and it left me feeling calm, rejuvinated and in a more adequate position to handle life, and development.
It's interesting that calm and rejuvination, and ability to handle life, are quite consistently the things I seek to get out of experiences. Of course there's also adventure, good stories to tell, and happiness.
I went to see the Dalai Lama the other day, and it was wonderful to see him. It was interesting, not because what he was saying was particularily profound or new, but because it was him that was saying it. In addition, the dynamic of the crowd at the event (in the skydome) was drastically different than the one that was present at the Blue Jays home opener that I went to a couple of weeks ago. Of course, it was an extremely positive speech, and it left me feeling calm, rejuvinated and in a more adequate position to handle life, and development.
It's interesting that calm and rejuvination, and ability to handle life, are quite consistently the things I seek to get out of experiences. Of course there's also adventure, good stories to tell, and happiness.
4.20.2004
Right Words at the Right Time
Excitement is building as the final approach to Montreal commences. Who would ever believe that Jess, Brennan and I would live together, half way across the country, in close proximity to our beloved Shona over in Ottawa? MUTHA! And the best is that the whole thing is so freaking practical. I started packing today, and am worried that in the midst of the summer, I'll desperatly want something of mine that is in Scarborough in storage. My parka, for instance, maybe a text book, in case a point needs to be proven, perhaps my bible, or book of inspirational Oscar Wilde quotes.
"Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern. One is apt to grow old fashioned quite suddenly."
I sent a mail today to everyone, letting them know my contact info in Montreal. On purpose I included lots of people that I hadn't talked to in ages, and delightfully, I've got some emails back from people I'd lost touch with. Reconnecting is in the air. When I went away from Victoria, I felt as though I was being so tough, and that I would step out of the plane and leave it behind me. Slightly ridiculous, as there are so many fabulous fabulous people still on the island, that I still love. Thanks all for reminding me, and illustrating the fact that we can still be part of each other's lives, even from a distance (cheese and truth in the same sentence).
"Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern. One is apt to grow old fashioned quite suddenly."
I sent a mail today to everyone, letting them know my contact info in Montreal. On purpose I included lots of people that I hadn't talked to in ages, and delightfully, I've got some emails back from people I'd lost touch with. Reconnecting is in the air. When I went away from Victoria, I felt as though I was being so tough, and that I would step out of the plane and leave it behind me. Slightly ridiculous, as there are so many fabulous fabulous people still on the island, that I still love. Thanks all for reminding me, and illustrating the fact that we can still be part of each other's lives, even from a distance (cheese and truth in the same sentence).
4.18.2004
famous last words
It is a dark day. Shadows pass through my mind, my heart. Is depression imminent? Politics: Comparative Development and its examination certainly are.
4.13.2004
Wk 1 Slide 7
I've had a very varied week, from deep heart to hearts with roommates, to drunken declarations of love to good friends; from blue jays games to res parties; from all night techno nights, to dinner dates; from studying to sex and the city; from crazy days at the deli to dozing in the sun.
International Health Policy tomorrow. What are your biggest health concerns?
International Health Policy tomorrow. What are your biggest health concerns?
4.07.2004
Repatriation of Profits
The days are divided between exam study and Sex and the City, season 6. So much love.
My near inability to be home alone (after 8 months of constant human contact) worries me. This weekend will be a test, as I've got the house to myself. Perhaps it's just Scarborough?
My near inability to be home alone (after 8 months of constant human contact) worries me. This weekend will be a test, as I've got the house to myself. Perhaps it's just Scarborough?
4.04.2004
Fantasia for Four Hands
A lovely Toronto day. Woke up, brunch at the Red Room (avocado and brie sandwich of course), and then a wander down Spadina and then onto Dundas (going east) as I'd never walked that way before. While chatting to a lovely but absent roommate of mine, I found myself infront of the AGO and on a whim decided to go inside. I'm extra glad I did as it was the last day of a vivid exhibit by Edward Burtynsky that made me smile out loud. I love noticing the themes that run through my life, like Jesus and Development, and this exhibition was no different- it reeked development like a mutha.
It brings to mind my concerns about finding beauty in Poverty, like in Jamaica, and a friend in Victoria's photos of dilapidated dwellings in Laos. Here, though, Ed legitimated beauty in things that are actually destructive. Perhaps it is just a little more difficult to justify see beauty in impoverished people.
I find myself having to convince myself just to breathe in galleries. Stop looking at the people around me, stop hearing what they're saying and just let my eyes glide over the art works, let myself just enjoy it rather than analyzing others analysis of me. Rodney Graham's video installations succeeded in calming me down, I stopped thinking about whether or not I was getting it, and just didn't pay attention to anything. Lovely.
I took the subway home- St. Patrick's station with it's green hue was nearly as soothing as the gallery itself. Looking out the window on the RT was as vibrant as the paintings and photos in the gallery, and I was happy for that outlook.
Now I'll sit down and watch some slightly more mainstream video- My Best Friend's Wedding- and find myself something to eat. It's too bad this blog isn't circular, as that was one of the best things about Graham's work. Perpetuation.
It brings to mind my concerns about finding beauty in Poverty, like in Jamaica, and a friend in Victoria's photos of dilapidated dwellings in Laos. Here, though, Ed legitimated beauty in things that are actually destructive. Perhaps it is just a little more difficult to justify see beauty in impoverished people.
I find myself having to convince myself just to breathe in galleries. Stop looking at the people around me, stop hearing what they're saying and just let my eyes glide over the art works, let myself just enjoy it rather than analyzing others analysis of me. Rodney Graham's video installations succeeded in calming me down, I stopped thinking about whether or not I was getting it, and just didn't pay attention to anything. Lovely.
I took the subway home- St. Patrick's station with it's green hue was nearly as soothing as the gallery itself. Looking out the window on the RT was as vibrant as the paintings and photos in the gallery, and I was happy for that outlook.
Now I'll sit down and watch some slightly more mainstream video- My Best Friend's Wedding- and find myself something to eat. It's too bad this blog isn't circular, as that was one of the best things about Graham's work. Perpetuation.
4.01.2004
Limbo IV
Why is it that one always tends to look forward at the same time one looks backwards? I am waiting anxiously to get on the greyhound bus destined for Montreal. I look forward to temporarily having a new life- me being the only constant. How many times can I just pick up an leave before it starts negatively affecting me? The only thing that stands in the way of summer is exams. I know that I'm supposed to be at the climax of second year, but it feels as though the climax is passed and I'm in limbo before the ascent of another story. Limbo seems to be a frequent blog theme.
In the sense of looking backward, I've been talking with some people in Victoria who I haven't phoned since getting here. And Montreal seems to be the reuinion of the ages: Kate, Jess and Brennan in one house, Shona in Ottawa, and Ariel somewhere close, but undisclosed. I can't wait to see them all! I've also invited countless other good souls to come and visit, and wouldn't it be wonderful if they did?
It comes down to my inability to sit still, in a micro and a macro sense. Will I ever stop moving?
In the sense of looking backward, I've been talking with some people in Victoria who I haven't phoned since getting here. And Montreal seems to be the reuinion of the ages: Kate, Jess and Brennan in one house, Shona in Ottawa, and Ariel somewhere close, but undisclosed. I can't wait to see them all! I've also invited countless other good souls to come and visit, and wouldn't it be wonderful if they did?
It comes down to my inability to sit still, in a micro and a macro sense. Will I ever stop moving?
3.28.2004
Scarborough Sea(n)
I went a bit squirly yesterday from reading too much, and feeling trapped in Scarborough, in F6. The world has been so bleek for the past few days, not in relation to me, but in general. I am extremely happy, but worry for the future of humanity. I felt that I needed an adventure to break the negative intertia, but couldn't come up with anything to do besides read Tom Robbins (but I was too squirly from reading already) or watch tv (which makes me more squirly if I'm feeling squirly already). My inability to come up with an appropriate adventure made me feel even more claustrophobic.
In polar opposition, however, today brought the perfect adventure. Sean dropped by, on bike. (***side note: I love things that weren't novel in Victoria, but here are decidedly novel. Bikes for example). I rode once around a campus block, and loved it. We found another bike, and set off with picnic through the valley to the lake. I'd never been before, and I don't quite know why not. Being from Halifax and Victoria, Sean and I did our best to pretend that the lake was an ocean and the breeze was salty. The sea gulls helped the illusion. We picnic'd beside a bronco on the beach and went home via the Quick Stop mart searching for Cyclones.
I don't know what the best part was, being near water, biking, the search for cyclones, simply the idea of adventure, or Sean's company. Perhaps, in true University student post-modernist logic, it was a combination of all five factors. Thanks Sean for encouraging adventure.
In polar opposition, however, today brought the perfect adventure. Sean dropped by, on bike. (***side note: I love things that weren't novel in Victoria, but here are decidedly novel. Bikes for example). I rode once around a campus block, and loved it. We found another bike, and set off with picnic through the valley to the lake. I'd never been before, and I don't quite know why not. Being from Halifax and Victoria, Sean and I did our best to pretend that the lake was an ocean and the breeze was salty. The sea gulls helped the illusion. We picnic'd beside a bronco on the beach and went home via the Quick Stop mart searching for Cyclones.
I don't know what the best part was, being near water, biking, the search for cyclones, simply the idea of adventure, or Sean's company. Perhaps, in true University student post-modernist logic, it was a combination of all five factors. Thanks Sean for encouraging adventure.
3.23.2004
La Vie
I've been living real life lately. School often feels like a hiatus. Time has stopped for a moment, and you have to get through this stage before times begins again. Even high school felt more like real life. But, since I've only got one assignment to do before finals, and everyone else is overwhelmed, I am just living. My real life activities include coffee breaks, knitting, dishes, vaccuming, novel reading, painting and corresponding with people left uncorresponded.
Every once in a while I get a whelm (as opposed to an overwhelm) of remembering Victoria. The most common type is thinking about the restaurants and cafes. I miss Eugenes, Pagliacci's, Paradiso, The Wooden Shoe, and Caffe Fantastico- I know I could find similar places here, but I haven't and it's frustrating. Lately, though, I've started missing people. I miss the connections I had with people that I haven't found here. People that I can talk to about anything, and nothing feels conditional. Here, there is a strange dynamic. None of us feel totally comfortable with our situtations, and therefore everything feels a little unstable, including friendships. I think that's why they say that the friends you make at university are the friends that you'll have forever: if you can get through this time of tumult and insecurity together, you can get through anything.
Every once in a while I get a whelm (as opposed to an overwhelm) of remembering Victoria. The most common type is thinking about the restaurants and cafes. I miss Eugenes, Pagliacci's, Paradiso, The Wooden Shoe, and Caffe Fantastico- I know I could find similar places here, but I haven't and it's frustrating. Lately, though, I've started missing people. I miss the connections I had with people that I haven't found here. People that I can talk to about anything, and nothing feels conditional. Here, there is a strange dynamic. None of us feel totally comfortable with our situtations, and therefore everything feels a little unstable, including friendships. I think that's why they say that the friends you make at university are the friends that you'll have forever: if you can get through this time of tumult and insecurity together, you can get through anything.
3.20.2004
Joie
I am so happy. No reason, just am. Things make me smile and smile and smile. I like ladies that take a long time to count out exact change, I like forcing people to try new things, I like people who write in pedantic prose, and I like feeling that I have free time. I love the city I live in, and I look forward to showing you around it. Yea you.
Something I've been thinking about lately is things I've got in common with people. My friend Jen here in TDot- we're the same person. We're intense, enthusiastic, drama and dance-yo'-pants off. Then there's Mel, my roommate- and we're the same person. We have the same insecurites, the same passion for passion, the same penchant for the attention of the opposite sex...But then when I think about the number of people I see such intense similarietes with I realize how different they all are. Case in point: comparing Mel and Jen. So different.
Love.
Something I've been thinking about lately is things I've got in common with people. My friend Jen here in TDot- we're the same person. We're intense, enthusiastic, drama and dance-yo'-pants off. Then there's Mel, my roommate- and we're the same person. We have the same insecurites, the same passion for passion, the same penchant for the attention of the opposite sex...But then when I think about the number of people I see such intense similarietes with I realize how different they all are. Case in point: comparing Mel and Jen. So different.
Love.
3.16.2004
Ma Tante
Just back from a fabulous fabulous weekend away. I met Paulette, Philippe and Christian in Ottawa and we went from there to Mt Tremblant in Quebec for a couple of days of skiing. The chalet was full to the brim with fun frenchies, and now I feel like I've got some family out here! The mountain itself was great (very similar to Mt Washington) and the village was chic beyond belief. We went to Le Shack for an apres ski pitcher, but could have painted the town red if we'd wanted to. Spent the second day with Helene and Bill, and ran into some Torontonians as well (my hookup for future ski trips???). Back in Ottawa on Monday, we spent a pleasant day poking around the Byward Market where I visited my favourite hot sauce store and nearly bought a Persian Carpet!!! Now I'm back safe and sound, infront of my computer once again. Many thanks to those who made it possible- I'll see you at the cottage in the summer!
In other news, I went to Italian Night at the Distrikt the other day, to see Mauro Picotto. With Mel as company, we managed to avoid all the Ginos and have a mostly wicked time. Italian flags for souvenirs, and the memory of some really good music.
[Have a feeling I used a few too many cliches in that one.]
In other news, I went to Italian Night at the Distrikt the other day, to see Mauro Picotto. With Mel as company, we managed to avoid all the Ginos and have a mostly wicked time. Italian flags for souvenirs, and the memory of some really good music.
[Have a feeling I used a few too many cliches in that one.]
3.07.2004
A Short List of Favourites
I am going through a phase of overwhelming joy for certain smallish things. My list keeps getting longer, which is fantastic. Three cheers for perpetual adventure.
1) Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O'Conner
2) Yellow Tail Chardonnay
3) Pointy boots with raggedy ass jeans
4) The Onion
5) Yarmulke
I've also got a list of things I'm looking forward to, other than daily life in general:
1) Tremblant next weekend, plus a little Ottawa action.
2) Montreal for the summer, with the one and only Zim
2.5) Perhaps insert a bout of summer language bursary program here
3) Living in Toronto proper starting September
4) The Netherlands for Christmas 2004
5) Surprise Reading week 2005
6) IDS Coop placement September 2005
That's a long way in the future, but mutha fucka.
Hoof.
The best is that there will be so much unscheduled adventure in between that I don't even know about yet! Perhaps visits to Coburg and Cambridge? Halifax?
I am the luckiest girl in the world. Seriously.
1) Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O'Conner
2) Yellow Tail Chardonnay
3) Pointy boots with raggedy ass jeans
4) The Onion
5) Yarmulke
I've also got a list of things I'm looking forward to, other than daily life in general:
1) Tremblant next weekend, plus a little Ottawa action.
2) Montreal for the summer, with the one and only Zim
2.5) Perhaps insert a bout of summer language bursary program here
3) Living in Toronto proper starting September
4) The Netherlands for Christmas 2004
5) Surprise Reading week 2005
6) IDS Coop placement September 2005
That's a long way in the future, but mutha fucka.
Hoof.
The best is that there will be so much unscheduled adventure in between that I don't even know about yet! Perhaps visits to Coburg and Cambridge? Halifax?
I am the luckiest girl in the world. Seriously.
3.06.2004
Fantastic Smith
The Marvel of Saturday: I have worked on Saturdays for so long that I am still in awe when I have an entire saturday free. It's the kind of day when you feel like anything is possible, the week's over but the next one is nowhere near starting! It's 1:22 now, and I've written a midterm, worked out, done my laundry, and am ready to enjoy the rest of the day with my fabulous fabulous roommates.
Yes, I did purposely move into a fab fab roomie blog, as it seems to be the theme of the week. But while the others are mourning the end to F6, I say bullshit. We still have to be bridesmaids at each other's weddings! This won't end anytime soon. I heart dancing, cooking and clothing with you girls.
In other news, my fav. ab workout: The Onion (credit to Sean for introducing us).
But, I should go and enjoy the presence of my roomies instead of just writing about them!
Yes, I did purposely move into a fab fab roomie blog, as it seems to be the theme of the week. But while the others are mourning the end to F6, I say bullshit. We still have to be bridesmaids at each other's weddings! This won't end anytime soon. I heart dancing, cooking and clothing with you girls.
In other news, my fav. ab workout: The Onion (credit to Sean for introducing us).
But, I should go and enjoy the presence of my roomies instead of just writing about them!
3.03.2004
A Temporary Pessamist
Here you go Sean.
I am having a bad day. I woke up feeling like I wasn't trying hard enough, getting things done well enough or fast enough, or just plain being good enough. My To Do list has remained the same length for the past week, and I have some dirty dishes in the sink. And worst of all, summer is looming ahead, and I have no idea what it holds for me- I don't even know where I'm going to live! My mum, in her sweet (sometimes difficult) conscientious way sent me a job search website today, which is an excellent start. Tim Hortons is hiring.
After last summer's job drama, I am scared shitless of finding something this summer. I don't have to confidence to go out and do what my friends seem to be doing- camp counsellor (too much responsibility), project coordination at an ngo (too much responsibility). Even the receptionist jobs listed on the HRBC site require "decision making capabilities", a capability I feel I lack.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, all I really want to do is enable someone else's genius. How do I go about doing that?
I am having a bad day. I woke up feeling like I wasn't trying hard enough, getting things done well enough or fast enough, or just plain being good enough. My To Do list has remained the same length for the past week, and I have some dirty dishes in the sink. And worst of all, summer is looming ahead, and I have no idea what it holds for me- I don't even know where I'm going to live! My mum, in her sweet (sometimes difficult) conscientious way sent me a job search website today, which is an excellent start. Tim Hortons is hiring.
After last summer's job drama, I am scared shitless of finding something this summer. I don't have to confidence to go out and do what my friends seem to be doing- camp counsellor (too much responsibility), project coordination at an ngo (too much responsibility). Even the receptionist jobs listed on the HRBC site require "decision making capabilities", a capability I feel I lack.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, all I really want to do is enable someone else's genius. How do I go about doing that?
2.25.2004
Waggwhan?
Ah. And so another one of life's weeks has come to an end. I wonder if it is good to have so much adventure crammed into one, rather than have it more evenly dispersed through the other 51 weeks in a year. This was an amazing trip because it was interesting and relaxing at the same time. While it was only a week, I think that it's prepped me for future travels more than Europe has. I think it'll prove especially useful for my IDS placement year because of what it has shown me about how I interact with people from different cultures in their setting, and also about spending time in a developing country in general. I wondered what topics were taboo, and how much people wanted to talk to an outsider, especially one disguised as an American tourist. But, I found that when I was interested, they were happy to tell me their perspective of Jamaica- and in the end I have a variety of different stories. They tell us to be aware of variability within a culture, but it had never really been concrete until this trip. I'm rambling a bit about just a couple of thoughts this trip prompted, and I'm sure more will come as I further disect my fabulous Jamaican holiday. It's not a cohesive Kate-esque blog, with events detailed consecutively, but I suppose the "no problems" attitude has taken me over.
One love.
One love.
2.19.2004
Notes from a Small Island
Oh! The contradiction of life and unlife that is Jamaica. I've said it before and I'll say it again (with slight variation), that I find it very strange to be in a place where two worlds collide like they do here. We learn about inequality, but in rarely Canada do you see it through such stark contrast. KFC, McDonalds one block, corrugated iron towns the next. It is strange that the best maintained infrastructure here are the advertising billboards. Driving over a potholey road, inundated by donunt and mango sales people at every intersection, you don't expect to look up and see something shiny and toothy.
After learning a bit about Jamaica before I left Toronto, it is interesting to arrive here and talk to the locals about it- what the problems are, where they stem from and what the answer is. The answer to the first two questions is a long enough story, that the third is difficult to get to. All it prompts is further discussion of the first two questions. In addition, the issues brought up in these discussions differ greatly from those in the books and movies I've taken in
The sense of ickyness is almost paralyzing, not that I would be able to do anything anyway in my week here. Will I even have a nice conclusive statement at the end of it? At the same time, I'm more relaxed than I have been since leaving BC, adventure of any kind nearly guarantees it.
Thanks to the Hilton boys (perhaps not as sexy as Paris...) and the rest currently contributing to my positive Pina Colada Karma.
After learning a bit about Jamaica before I left Toronto, it is interesting to arrive here and talk to the locals about it- what the problems are, where they stem from and what the answer is. The answer to the first two questions is a long enough story, that the third is difficult to get to. All it prompts is further discussion of the first two questions. In addition, the issues brought up in these discussions differ greatly from those in the books and movies I've taken in
The sense of ickyness is almost paralyzing, not that I would be able to do anything anyway in my week here. Will I even have a nice conclusive statement at the end of it? At the same time, I'm more relaxed than I have been since leaving BC, adventure of any kind nearly guarantees it.
Thanks to the Hilton boys (perhaps not as sexy as Paris...) and the rest currently contributing to my positive Pina Colada Karma.
2.18.2004
Nearly A Rasta
Oh! The Juxtaposition of life and unlife that is Kingston. I'm sitting here full of all you can eat Lobster from the Kingston Hilton's kitchens (the hook up is fabulous fabulous), and I have a free bed here tonight, with someone to pick up my barely used towels in the morning. All this after spending the day in downtown Kingston, and Trench Town where Bob Marley got his start. Again it brings me to this question, what is more important, achievement of happiness or escape from poverty? And how does Kingston fall into all of this? Tomorrow I am going to see how the rich Jamaicans live, looking down on the rest of Kingston from their million dollar homes.
Thanks to my dad, who always makes me ask questions.
Do not disturb.
Thanks to my dad, who always makes me ask questions.
Do not disturb.
Kate In Jamaica
Drinking a bottle of Wata, quenching my thirst the way nature intended. Have just arrived in Kingston, driven past the slums and arrived at the Hilton. Am too ridiculously excited to type.
See you soon, browner and more aware.
See you soon, browner and more aware.
2.10.2004
Holla Back
What is really Fabulous Fabulous is how Fabulous Fabulous has taken off. I love it. It's always been my goal to penetrate and integrate. Legacizing, and I'm only 20.
Listening: Be Careful of My Heart, by Tracey Chapman
Reading: Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates, by Tom Robbins (thanks Sean)
Breathing: carefully
Thinking: 1000 thoughts a second, as per the usue. Wouldn't it be nice if they were useful?
Listening: Be Careful of My Heart, by Tracey Chapman
Reading: Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates, by Tom Robbins (thanks Sean)
Breathing: carefully
Thinking: 1000 thoughts a second, as per the usue. Wouldn't it be nice if they were useful?
Blog Karma Returns
And today, just because of my previously mentioned blog karma, I have had one of my specific questions answered. Today in Environment and Development, Tony Price basically answered for me the research question that I've got to tackle for an upcoming paper in his class. Thank you Tony, but it's a bit sketchy really...I can't just regurgetate everything that he's said.
Oh, and Jamaica tickets arrived by courier today. Two fabulouses in one moment: getting something from a courier and getting tickets for Jamaica!
Oh, and Jamaica tickets arrived by courier today. Two fabulouses in one moment: getting something from a courier and getting tickets for Jamaica!
2.09.2004
Yes or No?
I find myself in a slightly paradoxical state, unable to find the answers to my questions. I know that it has been discussed before, but as usual, only when it relates to me do I really start to contemplate it. Even though we live in a knowledge rich, info-at-our-fingertips type of society, it is still a seemingly endless quest to find what information I am looking for. For example, I am trying to plan my imminent reading week trip to Jamaica, and am concerned primarily about two things: transportation and accommodation. So, I look at the internet, I read travel books, I talk to my Jamaican friends Traci and Alex. All I was is for someone to tell me, “this is the best and cheapest place to stay, this is how much it costs, and this is how you reserve.” Instead I get, “you could stay here or here or here”, or even worse, “they said you should stay there? No, you should…”. There is simply too much information to get through, or not a specific enough answer to your specific question.
Even with this perceived deficiency of information, everything you could ever want to know is still out there. My friend Ayal said to me once after I told him I wanted to revolutionize development, that there was no way either of us, no matter how creative and innovative we both are, are going to come up with something new. It is as though the creation of ideas is at a limit, and what is thought of now is simply a progression or adaptation of something that has already been thought. I mean, who the hell is going to invent a new political ideology? Or create a new colour? [watch me eat my words in the future].
At the same time though, epiphany and eureka moments still prevail when you look at knowledge, ideas and information in relation to yourself. Each time an idea is integrated, or you gain further insight, you can feel the satisfaction of making the world a better place, if only because you have that much of a greater understanding. And so, I will continue to ask specific questions, even if it takes me longer than desired to find the answer, and I will continue to feel self satisfaction when I think of something potentially earth shatteringly original, moments before I read it three paragraphs further in the article I’m reading. And I will continue believing that reality is created only in relation to the individual.
Even with this perceived deficiency of information, everything you could ever want to know is still out there. My friend Ayal said to me once after I told him I wanted to revolutionize development, that there was no way either of us, no matter how creative and innovative we both are, are going to come up with something new. It is as though the creation of ideas is at a limit, and what is thought of now is simply a progression or adaptation of something that has already been thought. I mean, who the hell is going to invent a new political ideology? Or create a new colour? [watch me eat my words in the future].
At the same time though, epiphany and eureka moments still prevail when you look at knowledge, ideas and information in relation to yourself. Each time an idea is integrated, or you gain further insight, you can feel the satisfaction of making the world a better place, if only because you have that much of a greater understanding. And so, I will continue to ask specific questions, even if it takes me longer than desired to find the answer, and I will continue to feel self satisfaction when I think of something potentially earth shatteringly original, moments before I read it three paragraphs further in the article I’m reading. And I will continue believing that reality is created only in relation to the individual.
2.02.2004
21: DLF
It's almost Jess Zimbler's Birthday. Happy birthday, Jess. Dude like fuck. CU on the Flipside. This post could be all inside jokes, because that's a lot of what Jess's about, but instead I think perhaps I will talk about something else.
The thing that amazes me about Jess is that forever friends is really forever friends. She still has the notes I wrote her in High School. She still sends me letters today. And she reads my blogs. When we finished high school, and she went away, she remained more a fundemental part of "the group" than I did, even though I stayed in Vic. I admire her so much for the continuous effort she puts into loving people, even though they're not around her. Why can't I be like that?
And in a heart beat she will offer anything she has if you want it- perhaps an apartment in Montreal for May?
Anyway, this girl defines fabulous fabulous, and inspires me to love people still that I once loved in the past, and still technically love, but sometimes don't remember that I love.
The thing that amazes me about Jess is that forever friends is really forever friends. She still has the notes I wrote her in High School. She still sends me letters today. And she reads my blogs. When we finished high school, and she went away, she remained more a fundemental part of "the group" than I did, even though I stayed in Vic. I admire her so much for the continuous effort she puts into loving people, even though they're not around her. Why can't I be like that?
And in a heart beat she will offer anything she has if you want it- perhaps an apartment in Montreal for May?
Anyway, this girl defines fabulous fabulous, and inspires me to love people still that I once loved in the past, and still technically love, but sometimes don't remember that I love.
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