oh, Chinatown!

My spacial proximity to Chinatown has many benefits and delights, including readily available cheap produce, an abundace of milk crates for creating fashionable furniture, and the presence of co-passengers on the streetcar, laden down with plastic bags with exotic scripts and strange smells. But today, the concept of a "city within a city" has been taken to a new level. All day there has been a tremendous comotion outside our house. While the comotion is usually due to either drunken students, or recently released patients from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health across the street, today it centres around a huge pile of dirt. Presumably, this dirt was placed there by municipal workers in preparation for the spring gardening they'll be doing at the park across the way starting Monday morning. I'm affraid, however, that they will have to start a new pile afresh, come Monday, as there has been a steady stream of Chinese ladies from the neighbourhood poaching the goods! They come with carts, waggons, buckets, spades, garbage bags, and (occasionally) husbands to supervise, and in little more than three hours, the pile is down to half what it was. Every once in a while I'll hear the screech of car tires and a house-wife type will be out there, in her kakhis and sweater-around-the-neck, filling the back of the SUV with precious, precious sod.

In a more serious note, I like how this event fits in to my post-colonial studies mind frame. WHat? It's just dirt. No, wait. In my political science course last semester, we talked about various ways in which citizens revolt against authoritarian post colonial states, from revolution to what is known as "quiet encroachment of the ordinary". In this form of revolt, individuals undermine the state through a variety of (primarily urban) actions, such as tapping the power grid. While it's simplist to understand today's dirt theft through a purely pragmatic lense- why buy dirt when you can get it from the sidewalk for free?- I like to think of it in more political terms. Despite our government's highly "developed" nature, we, as Canadian Citizens, still reject the notion of complete complicity to the State, and choose instead to express our non-compliance through simple acts of soil appropriation.

IDSers are crazy. I'm at Scarborough, and I just spotted one, dressed in a padded suit and helmet with "poverty" written all over it. He had a really big stick and was offering people the chance to fight him...to fight poverty. Is this what it's come to? I generally applaud clever publicity gimicks, but in this case I worry. Is our political and societal dialogue so beyond caring about the world's rampant poverty that we have to resort to non-mainstream protests to get poverty issues included in the global agenda? It seems like such a no-brainer, as poverty is the root cause of so many problems we are currently fighting against (terrorism, drugs, for a couple of examples).

Speaking of poverty, this is an interesting take on Make Poverty History, conceptualized by my neighbour:
Make Affluence History

shades of grey

Development, academically speaking, contains grey areas for me. But each semester I’ve taken here at U of T has sought to increase the vibrancy of my development understanding. It seems that each semester, by accident, tends to answer an overarching question of mine. I’ve had the overview semester, the health and development semester, and the development economics semester. The most recent theme took place outside of school: understanding the Canadian development community and my place within it. And just when I felt my understanding of macropolicy, in Canada and Internationally, was so grey as to hamper moving forward, I happened upon this semester. I am taking International Political Economy of Trade, the New International Agenda, and International Studies and Communications, which all fall into this theme. The actions, principles and policies that have undermined the development of the third world are now being presented to me. And in the end I hope that they will help me to understand these aspects of the international order enough to enable me to see how these tools of power used by the West can be used to improve the climate for Development. Greyness be gone.

Retrospective on Exams

Last week, I was grumpy. I had exams that were consuming me, and no distractions of work to get me out of them. But...wait. What did I spend my exam week doing? I spent the majority of the time sitting in lovely coffee shops, sipping tasty warm beverages and reading interesting articles. And to top it all off, I'd "reward" myself for a hard day studying by going out for dinner with a good friend, or maybe to a movie. I realized that I have a wicked deal! My life is significantly worthy of envy.

The title, emphaisis on retrospective, indicates that I'm NOW ON VACATION! I'm going to stop blogging and write a list of all the things that I want to do with my free time, and start working my way through the list. I think I'll start with sangria for lunch with Ella before she takes off for Halifax.

Hurrah!

kate

Spah-dina

The summer has begun. It's been a crazy transition from school to no school...no school for 1.5 years! I finished my last exam on Friday, and then went straight into party mode. The whole evening was great, with dinner, drinks, good people, and then the bar. I went to bed late and woke early for work, and of course the day was complete crap, but for some reason I like a good hangover once in a while. It lets me know I'm alive! I got home after work and spent the evening PACKING everything I own (which, when organized, fits into a space of one meter by two meters) before the house invaders (new tenants) arrived the next morning. By 12am I was about to lose it- exam (no sleep), party (no sleep), work (no sleep), packing (no sleep)= anger and irrationality. In a serendipitous turn of events, I managed to use the house invaders van to get my stuff to my new place, and so quicker than I thought I have a new home. It's a great location (close to everything), and the interior is pretty good too. Since the move I've had a couple of two to four hour naps in between dropping friends off at the airport, goodbye breakfasts, lunches, dinners and drinks. It's finished today, and I started my "real" summer life about two hours ago. If start as you mean to go on applies, I'm excited and ready for this summer!

Method to Live

Blogs induce a certain degree of guilt, and I have decided that this guilt is completely not useful. Moreover, it implies a feeling of responsibility to one's readers, and since I have very few, it is still more irrational to feel guilty. As a result, this is my last apology for infrequent posting: I am sorry that I post infrequently. From now on, I am adopting the attitude that infrequent posting simply reflects my status quo, and is therefore a fundemental element of attempting to document my life online.

Today it is rainy, and I feel sort of like I am in a subtropical semi-arid montane forest because I have my windows open and a fern near my window...okay it's a long shot, but entirely satisfying no less. I am trying to study for my three upcoming exams- south asian politics, french, and conservation of tropical forests- but am consumed by thoughts of my future.

I was thinking about something Grant said on his blog about lifestyle careers, and have decided that I am either not trendy enough, or too trendy, and don't want that at all. I've decided that through my life I've succeeded entirely by chance. Basically, nice things just keep happening to me. So, flipant as this sounds, it is my aim to go on in this fashion. As long as I can keep running into new opportunities every time I feel the need for transition, I am happy to just go with what presents itself to me, as one thing always leads to another. Perhaps it's what is known as the "hands off" approach to life...or maybe the "I have no idea what I want, but just about anything sounds good" approach.

The fact that I've got about 5 years planned that completely complies with this notion of floating career bodes well for this experiment. Constant monitoring and evaluation to follow.

Day One: Freedom

My first day post-exams: delightful, mixed with occassional bouts of stress due to the overwhelming feeling that there was something that I was supposed to be doing. Hope that this feeling will become less frequent as the christmas vacation progresses. In general, this freaks me out, because the level of stress I felt this semester is out of line.

Today:
-Woke up late (10am)
-Cleaned the house a bit
-Welcomed friend Kate who spent the semester in England
-Looked at photos and was filled in a bit
-Spent three hours traversing urbania with Kate in tow: Yorkville, Downtown, Zara, Capezio, the Munk Centre for International Studies, UofT, Red Room, China Town, The Annex, Honest Eds and back through Greektown and home again.
-Decorated the house with tacky Honest Eds and Chinatown decorations while watching Love Actually (freaked out on the couch a couple of times thinking I was supposed to be doing something.)
-Mel joined: Kraft dinner and Wolf Blass, followed by Shrek two and a small amount of arts and crafts.

And so begins my vacation.

notes

The semester from hell (well mostly, I learned a lot which is delightful) is now over. Holy mother Thank YOU!

Time to start the readings for next semester...I mean MAKE THINGS- it's like I've been waiting forever for this.

And Cheers to closer friends in Olivia. you're mask-tastic.

Gotta get through this

I struggle with 'getting through it' phases of life. I quite like life in general, and there are some really excessively great bits, but sometimes I find that I try, but can't seem to like what's going on. I mean, I can see technically that I shouldn't hate it, and there's lots of great things going on at the same time, but my emotions are just not responding favourably. Perhaps an example will be more illustrative. I am in my third year crunch: the past two weeks have been the hardest academically to get through so far in my uni career, and I can't wait for the next two to be over, because they're mental as well. But in my heart I feel that I shouldn't hate it- I like school, and I don't like having 'get through it' times because I feel that then all the normal (like school, work) bits of my life will be get throughs to the exceptionally good bits. Maybe what I'm asking of myself is to just enjoy everyday life more, and that's the problem. I used to like everyday life much better than I do right now, but I feel like I should right now also because the same things are going on. Also, I would like to be able to control my happiness...say that I'm going to be happy about this and then-ta da- I would be happy about it. And then eventually I wouldn't have to think about it, I would just be happy about everything (or most things). People suggest that I should pay attention to the good details more, but I don't think that's the issue- I see good things everywhere, my heart just doesn't see them. I suppose it's an issue of needing to be surprised by joy: one can't look for it. But how do I stop looking?

Stagnant Blog

I wonder, given my lack of interest in blogs (specifically mine) at the moment, if anyone will read this blog. However, in this case the tree still exists even if noone hears it fall.

I am in a one track mode right now. This year is all about PLACEMENT. Yes, three years ago when I decided I wanted to pursue an education in International Development, I was largely swayed by the prospect of one year overseas working in a development situation. And so, preparation for that year is now upon me...inside me...in my head, on my tongue, in my inbox. Some things are becoming clearer: I will actually find myself in a country of the Global South in 9 months or less. I am excited and scared shitless at this notion, fearing curling iron withdrawl and a general sense of uselessness/helplessness. I also know that there are some VERY interesting initiatives going on in the world with the intent to alleviate poverty, and I'm interested in being part of one (or more as life goes on).

I find myself in meetings with potential employers, excited about their projects and mandate, or in others, afraid at the responsibility and self-direction that is required of me. I am conscious of my marks, of the potential to apply the things I'm learning in class, and the state of my resume.

These being the thoughts cycling through my head, I think it's important also to look at the linear and the concrete that is also present in my thoughts: I would really like to find myself in South Asia next year, working with people who I learn from and who direct me successfully in a project that I feel is useful and productive in the face of extreme inequality. Period. This being said, I'm sure that wherever I end up, it will be an experience like none other- perhaps one that I will be loath to repeat, but one that helps me learn about the world a whole lot more and propells me out of academia into real life.

So, stay tuned for my placement wows and woes. Perhaps I'll write more from Anuradhapura?

Kate

It's getting cold in here.

Bah. Winter is setting in. It is one of those yummy sundays where you're unlikely to venture out of the house, as you're content to avoid adventure for the day. The colours of my bedroom were made for days like this, and so were miso soup lunches. My housemate Jen is wandering around with a vivid pink scarf around her neck, and the cold really is just making things more warm.

I am struggling with a paper that calls for me to revolutionize development. Of course I'm struggling. If I could just slip one novel or innovative idea in I would be content. Alas, I feel academically marginalized to such an extent, which combined with a general dissatisfaction with development as a notion makes it virtually impossible to complete the assignment.

And in my current state of coziness and overflowing creativity (it's been one of those months...one of those that I've never had before), I just want to MAKE SOMETHING! With this in mind I have resolved to perhaps allow myself an hour or two to convert my flowerpot bench into an ottoman. Wish me luck.

Kate

Neutrality

I know that I've talked to some of you about it already, but I just wanted to say it here. I've been feeling very intellectually neutral lately, as though there's a lot going in but not a lot coming out as a result. I've becoming introverted, not only socially, but academically as well. I have a tutorial class where one gets marks for participation, but I fear speaking up. Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice) once said, "We don't like to speak unless we'll say something that will amaze the whole room," and I often feel that way. The discussion we have is nothing but regurgitation of the text or the class, said as if it was our own. Yet I can't seem to rise above that type of conversation myself. I want to amaze the whole room!

OOps

Don't think I finished my last blog. Sorta indicative of how I feel about Kidding Just at the moment...about how I feel in general. Perhaps General should be a proper noun. I'm in a fabulous city, and a fabulous part of a fabulous city, but feel bored and alone a lot of the time. I think it's a product of living surrounded by people for the past year that I've completely forgotten what it was like to entertain myself, as I've done in every other city I've ever been to, apart from Toronto. I try to force myself out of the bubble that holds me back from exploring and adventuring sans roommates. Still working on it.

As I do with most things, I've tried to discover a remedy to the things that ail me, and here's what I've come up with. And, as per usual, they are fairly standard however hard to come up with slash implement. I will get out more...I will try to meet other people...I will follow my heart, responding eagerly to its call to excitement...I will say yes to every opportunity that presents itself (easier when I felt slightly more wealthy)...I will regain my academic vigour, as a month off of internalizing important information is surely long enough...I will maybe once in a while go for a run.

SO, as I often say, wish me luck.

famous last words

It is a dark day. Shadows pass through my mind, my heart. Is depression imminent? Politics: Comparative Development and its examination certainly are.

Wk 1 Slide 7

I've had a very varied week, from deep heart to hearts with roommates, to drunken declarations of love to good friends; from blue jays games to res parties; from all night techno nights, to dinner dates; from studying to sex and the city; from crazy days at the deli to dozing in the sun.

International Health Policy tomorrow. What are your biggest health concerns?

Repatriation of Profits

The days are divided between exam study and Sex and the City, season 6. So much love.

My near inability to be home alone (after 8 months of constant human contact) worries me. This weekend will be a test, as I've got the house to myself. Perhaps it's just Scarborough?

Scarborough Sea(n)

I went a bit squirly yesterday from reading too much, and feeling trapped in Scarborough, in F6. The world has been so bleek for the past few days, not in relation to me, but in general. I am extremely happy, but worry for the future of humanity. I felt that I needed an adventure to break the negative intertia, but couldn't come up with anything to do besides read Tom Robbins (but I was too squirly from reading already) or watch tv (which makes me more squirly if I'm feeling squirly already). My inability to come up with an appropriate adventure made me feel even more claustrophobic.

In polar opposition, however, today brought the perfect adventure. Sean dropped by, on bike. (***side note: I love things that weren't novel in Victoria, but here are decidedly novel. Bikes for example). I rode once around a campus block, and loved it. We found another bike, and set off with picnic through the valley to the lake. I'd never been before, and I don't quite know why not. Being from Halifax and Victoria, Sean and I did our best to pretend that the lake was an ocean and the breeze was salty. The sea gulls helped the illusion. We picnic'd beside a bronco on the beach and went home via the Quick Stop mart searching for Cyclones.

I don't know what the best part was, being near water, biking, the search for cyclones, simply the idea of adventure, or Sean's company. Perhaps, in true University student post-modernist logic, it was a combination of all five factors. Thanks Sean for encouraging adventure.

Blog Karma Returns

And today, just because of my previously mentioned blog karma, I have had one of my specific questions answered. Today in Environment and Development, Tony Price basically answered for me the research question that I've got to tackle for an upcoming paper in his class. Thank you Tony, but it's a bit sketchy really...I can't just regurgetate everything that he's said.

Oh, and Jamaica tickets arrived by courier today. Two fabulouses in one moment: getting something from a courier and getting tickets for Jamaica!