I am very anti serious conversations at the very beginning or the very end of something. Seriousness is best situated in the middle. I think this is my biggest parental beef, as mine are notorious for using seriousness as bookends. This either starts things off wrong, or leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
This is especially pertinent when you've just done something LOVELY, such as watching Bride and Prejudice, and then the parental unit switches immediatly to scheduling and to dos without a brief "basking in bollywood" intermission.
However, I suppose it could be argued that I am never in the mood for serious or to-do oriented conversation with my parents, regardless.
[disclaimer: despite serious beef, I love you both dearly and am having a wonderful visit!]
12.30.2005
12.19.2005
Retrospective on Exams
Last week, I was grumpy. I had exams that were consuming me, and no distractions of work to get me out of them. But...wait. What did I spend my exam week doing? I spent the majority of the time sitting in lovely coffee shops, sipping tasty warm beverages and reading interesting articles. And to top it all off, I'd "reward" myself for a hard day studying by going out for dinner with a good friend, or maybe to a movie. I realized that I have a wicked deal! My life is significantly worthy of envy.
The title, emphaisis on retrospective, indicates that I'm NOW ON VACATION! I'm going to stop blogging and write a list of all the things that I want to do with my free time, and start working my way through the list. I think I'll start with sangria for lunch with Ella before she takes off for Halifax.
Hurrah!
kate
The title, emphaisis on retrospective, indicates that I'm NOW ON VACATION! I'm going to stop blogging and write a list of all the things that I want to do with my free time, and start working my way through the list. I think I'll start with sangria for lunch with Ella before she takes off for Halifax.
Hurrah!
kate
12.07.2005
Kate-living, Kate-doing, or just Kate
The getting through it time of year is upon me once again. I've been glowing and flying for the past couple of months, busy with school, the theatre, CPAR, work, crepes, thoughts of cajun food, a clean room and walks through the city. But, today I am full of responsibility and forgetfulness of the WHY. So, I am going to take a moment to remind myself why I do exams, placement applications, job interviews, meetings with professors, work. I am going to take a moment to realize that there's an end in sight. I once told someone that to get through school I always told myself "do well in school to justify adventure". Today I have to tell myself do well in life to justify LIVING.
I love new things. I try to do or see something new every day. More than that, I love introducing other people to new things, seeing their reaction, watching them adjust their world view. Apparently, "you see what you know" (Tony Price), so if I know a lot, I will see many things. I go to school to see new things, to learn how to see things in different ways, and in the long run try to help people to see things in new ways. I want to show people that living is not a zero sum game, though the dominant world system seems to think so. Sure, our resources are scarce, but if the rule says matter cannot be created nor destroyed, obviously a rearrangement of the status quo is possible.
I apply for placements and slightly scary responsibility-full jobs to expand this goal out of my comfort zone. I want to be part of the BIGGEST and the BEST things, but that requires me to start somewhere. I will not feel comfortable with something until after I feel a little uncomfortable, and comfort is mediocre at best. This is the hardest part. I've been told not to fear failure, and that I will miss 100 percent of the shots I don't take. So, I do scary things to face this fear of failure, and prove to myself that it is an illusion.
So often work seems like the odd thing out. Time spent with little relevance to my hopes, dreams and fears. It is comfortable, time consuming and irrelevant. But, it is also the easiest to understand. I work so that I can go to Cuba over christmas, so that I can drink second cup raspberry tea, so that I can buy Midnight's Children, so that I can take the bus to CPAR, so that I can chew gum and do yoga. I work so that one day 'work' won't seem like the odd thing out, but rather the vehicle to face fear and show others my world.
It takes me remembering these things to realize that this is not a getting-through-it phase, but part of life. I will always have times that aren't fun fun fun, but this doesn't mean that they are separate from real life. I used to classify life into kate-living and kate-doing, the former being the good parts of life and the latter the less interesting. But, in truth, the getting-through-it bits are fully integrated into the whole thing. I am not going to wake up one day and be grown up and settled and happy. And if I look at them this way, the getting-through-it bits aren't really just about getting-through-it after all.
And with that I can get back to work.
I love new things. I try to do or see something new every day. More than that, I love introducing other people to new things, seeing their reaction, watching them adjust their world view. Apparently, "you see what you know" (Tony Price), so if I know a lot, I will see many things. I go to school to see new things, to learn how to see things in different ways, and in the long run try to help people to see things in new ways. I want to show people that living is not a zero sum game, though the dominant world system seems to think so. Sure, our resources are scarce, but if the rule says matter cannot be created nor destroyed, obviously a rearrangement of the status quo is possible.
I apply for placements and slightly scary responsibility-full jobs to expand this goal out of my comfort zone. I want to be part of the BIGGEST and the BEST things, but that requires me to start somewhere. I will not feel comfortable with something until after I feel a little uncomfortable, and comfort is mediocre at best. This is the hardest part. I've been told not to fear failure, and that I will miss 100 percent of the shots I don't take. So, I do scary things to face this fear of failure, and prove to myself that it is an illusion.
So often work seems like the odd thing out. Time spent with little relevance to my hopes, dreams and fears. It is comfortable, time consuming and irrelevant. But, it is also the easiest to understand. I work so that I can go to Cuba over christmas, so that I can drink second cup raspberry tea, so that I can buy Midnight's Children, so that I can take the bus to CPAR, so that I can chew gum and do yoga. I work so that one day 'work' won't seem like the odd thing out, but rather the vehicle to face fear and show others my world.
It takes me remembering these things to realize that this is not a getting-through-it phase, but part of life. I will always have times that aren't fun fun fun, but this doesn't mean that they are separate from real life. I used to classify life into kate-living and kate-doing, the former being the good parts of life and the latter the less interesting. But, in truth, the getting-through-it bits are fully integrated into the whole thing. I am not going to wake up one day and be grown up and settled and happy. And if I look at them this way, the getting-through-it bits aren't really just about getting-through-it after all.
And with that I can get back to work.
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