flesh and blood

I have the october blues. I am bored. I crave more adventure than continued placement seeking, waitressing and school have to offer. So, about a month ago I applied to release my adoption records from the BC government. It turns out that my name at birth was Alexandra Robertson. My mother was/is Kate Robertson. And now I'm Kate Alexandra. So, I know more about who I was for that 11 days before I belonged to my current family, the Jongbloed-Gait's. Moments before turning to my computer to post this blog, I was busy starting the next step: an active search for my birth mum. Hurrah! This is something I've waited for ever since I can remember. Perhaps I'll make posts as I go through the exciting and emotional ride of meeting, or not meeting, my own flesh and blood for the first, second, third...time. For now, I just wanted to address some FAQs:

When did you find out that you were adopted, what was that like?

My parents told me so early on that I can't remember not knowing that I was adopted. As such, it's always been part of my identity. However, at first I was a bit confused, thinking that we were all adopted. As I understood it, all babies were switched to different, more appropriate, parents at birth.

Do you like your adoptive parents?

Sometimes, upon finding out that I"m adopted, people's reaction is to say, "oh, I'm sorry". But, the truth is I've never felt a lack because of my adopted nature. I have lovely parents, that are completely and totally my parents. I don't feel like I was rejected by my birth parents, as my father didn't know of my existance, and my mother wrote me a letter at my birth to explain why she put me up for adoption. She felt that she couldn't offer me all that she wanted at such a young age, and felt there was another family who could better take care of me. A fairly legitimate reason, I think. So, I feel like I have two and a half sets of parents that love me!

How are you going to find your birth mom, and what about your dad?

The government of BC has an active registry program where I apply to find my birth mother. They contact her, and if she is interested in having contact with me, the intermediary puts us in touch. However, there is a chance that she will reject my application for contact, and I will not be allowed to contact her. As for my dad, I don't think he knows I exist. I've signed up for a passive registry of all the rest of my family: if they've applied to be put in contact with me, then they can further it themselves. Depending on the results with my birth mother, I may or may not decide to become more active in my pursuit of other family members.

How does it feel?

I am excited and nervous. I'm nervous that my mom, as noone knows about my birth (her parents, my father, potentially her new family), might deny me contact. This would be very difficult as I've intended to meet her my whole life. Also, in general I would, at least once in my life, like to know someone who shares the same genes as me (though I suppose that will happen if I ever have children on my own). I am excited about being face to face with her, about discovering the similarities between us. Essentially, studying what is nature about me and what is nurture.

Stay tuned.

Home?

OH! So happy to be back in the city. It's so busy and there's a million things I could do. So far I've amused myself by riding my bike to the CPAR office to pick up some stuff for the interview on Friday, on bloor near dundas west. I'd never been in that neighbourhoodand it's so nice to ride to! On my way back i went through little italy, then china town (to look for work shoes and buy vegitables) and finally up to Robarts library where I am now. I'm getting all my admin stuff done before I go to swim practice at 6 and then to meet Jen andElla for beers because she's leaving tomorrow.

I've only been back a moment but already I'm in love with the city again and everything's in full swing. I mailed the letter and chequeto the government today to start to find my birth mother, which shouldbe another interesting part of the summer.

Hurrah for unlimited things to do (even if they aren't involving mountains or oceans), and what seems like unlimited time to do them in.