Goodlums

It is a beautiful day. The sun is out, the snow is fresh and the sky is blue. But also along the lines of beauty is my mood in general, the world through my eyes. I have just finished Cool To Be Kind by the boys of the Extreme Kindness Crew, and my faith in goodness is restored. Lost in a jumble of cyclical development discourses, I have been using my intention to "develop" as a source of arrogance, and inaction. I am stuck in this notion of development being impossible without a radical overhaul of the world system, and I don't like radical activism, but at the same time feel like I'm doing something better than other people who aren't in development. The boys have put goodness in my hands again, and made me a more humane than I've been in a long time. And while I'm still not ready to give up my hope of saving the world, for day to day life, goodness is pretty good.

three months

C'est toujour comme ca!

Picking Favourites

Terribly social all of a sudden. Who knew it was so easy? There's always something to do. Could it be that I've finally found my place in Toronto, only to be leaving it in the next month or four? Alas, the problem with moving about is that you have too many terrific friends in so many places, and lack the ability to maintain daily interaction with them. Sarah said to me the other day that it was amazing because most of her favourite people were in the same city all at once and that had never happened before. I can't imagine that ever happening! It would have to be a mixture of Holland, BC, Toronto, and France. And perhaps a little London and Tanzinia thrown in. But, instead of analysis and planning, I should be content with the status quo, and the fact that so far this semester, every day has been filled with something wonderful.

Gezellig

I love this country. This trip has been a study on how to force the cohesion of things I like about Holland and Canada and myself in both of these places. I like the intensity of friendships in Canada, but I like the informality and frequent going out in Holland, and the "live in the present" attitude. Perhaps it is just the friends that I have here?

I just spent a week away from my family here, first going to Doetinchem where lived three summers ago. I had new years with Joliet and Erik and the rest of the crew, and apart from the double takes, it was as though I'd never left. Then on to Groningen for a few days with Frank; it was fantastic as usual. We've all planned to meet up in Madrid in three years time. I'll keep you posted on that.

Tomorrow I'm back on the plane, ready to enable fusion of two worlds.

A'dam: Wereld Stad

Yesterday was wonderful! After three days of delightful but unknowlingly rather oppressive family, we escaped (thanks to Nederlanse Spoorwegen) to Amsterdam. First we wandered over canals to the Noord Kerk (north church), and ate apple pie (the best dutch kind) and coffee in an obviously popular cafe on the corner. We had to wait for a while with tray in hand for a space to become available. From there we walked to the Dam square (which houses the Grand Kransnapolski hotel, the Palace, the New Church, the Bijkorf, and Madam Tussads). We'd done it all before, so walked through the shopping streets to the Van Gogh Musem. We spent a few delightful hours there. Can you believe that in the two months before he killed himself, VG made 80 paintings? That's more than one a day! From there we wandered through a market, broodje kroket and patat in hand. On the other end we found a little bar from eons ago, and went on a bit of a pub crawl through all the oldest bars in A'dam. When we were feeling warm, we decided to check out Ocean's 12, and were very much pleased (especially since part of it takes place in Amsterdam). Finally, we got soarma and donerkebab for the way home (extra garlic sauce) and ran for the train.

The idea for today was to repeat in Rotterdam, but the conditions outside are slightly uncondusive to a day of wandering around the city. Instead, we'll stay inside with books and emails.

Arrived

After a three hour delay in the Toronto airport (well spent reading A House for Mr. Biswas by Naipaul), I found myself on the plane seated between to men, visible polar opposites. To my left was the tall skinny pale nervous guy, and to my right was the shorter squater darker sort of odorous guy. Turns out, from my conversations with each, that they were also internally polar opposites also. With one I spoke about the spectroscopic measurement of flames he was doing for his post doctoral research, and spoke French with him about everything else under the sun. With the other I talked about his flight squeemishness, and how he resolved it by his faith in Allah and by reading the Qu'ran during take off and landing, and later I helped him determine whether the cereal bar we were given was halal. It was interesting because both had such definite world views and hard set beliefs, but they came from extremely different places. I felt a bit like the middle ground, with my tendecy towards atheism, and my scientific skepticism.

Now I'm here in The Netherlands, reflecting on a delightful flight, and a delightful fish dinner, and a still more delightful breakfast, waiting for the rest of the delight that is in store for me.

Day One: Freedom

My first day post-exams: delightful, mixed with occassional bouts of stress due to the overwhelming feeling that there was something that I was supposed to be doing. Hope that this feeling will become less frequent as the christmas vacation progresses. In general, this freaks me out, because the level of stress I felt this semester is out of line.

Today:
-Woke up late (10am)
-Cleaned the house a bit
-Welcomed friend Kate who spent the semester in England
-Looked at photos and was filled in a bit
-Spent three hours traversing urbania with Kate in tow: Yorkville, Downtown, Zara, Capezio, the Munk Centre for International Studies, UofT, Red Room, China Town, The Annex, Honest Eds and back through Greektown and home again.
-Decorated the house with tacky Honest Eds and Chinatown decorations while watching Love Actually (freaked out on the couch a couple of times thinking I was supposed to be doing something.)
-Mel joined: Kraft dinner and Wolf Blass, followed by Shrek two and a small amount of arts and crafts.

And so begins my vacation.

notes

The semester from hell (well mostly, I learned a lot which is delightful) is now over. Holy mother Thank YOU!

Time to start the readings for next semester...I mean MAKE THINGS- it's like I've been waiting forever for this.

And Cheers to closer friends in Olivia. you're mask-tastic.

Gotta get through this

I struggle with 'getting through it' phases of life. I quite like life in general, and there are some really excessively great bits, but sometimes I find that I try, but can't seem to like what's going on. I mean, I can see technically that I shouldn't hate it, and there's lots of great things going on at the same time, but my emotions are just not responding favourably. Perhaps an example will be more illustrative. I am in my third year crunch: the past two weeks have been the hardest academically to get through so far in my uni career, and I can't wait for the next two to be over, because they're mental as well. But in my heart I feel that I shouldn't hate it- I like school, and I don't like having 'get through it' times because I feel that then all the normal (like school, work) bits of my life will be get throughs to the exceptionally good bits. Maybe what I'm asking of myself is to just enjoy everyday life more, and that's the problem. I used to like everyday life much better than I do right now, but I feel like I should right now also because the same things are going on. Also, I would like to be able to control my happiness...say that I'm going to be happy about this and then-ta da- I would be happy about it. And then eventually I wouldn't have to think about it, I would just be happy about everything (or most things). People suggest that I should pay attention to the good details more, but I don't think that's the issue- I see good things everywhere, my heart just doesn't see them. I suppose it's an issue of needing to be surprised by joy: one can't look for it. But how do I stop looking?

Party analysis

Why is it that I only party in Europe? Do we have some going out deficiency here in Canada? Is it the people I hang out with? It seems that it's so much of an effort here, cause you've gotta get all fancied up, and end up taxiing home, money... lineups, bla bla bla. I miss being in the same place every friday night in Doetinchem; what does it take for that to happen here? I'm sure that it's got a lot to do with me and my butterflys about coordinating outings- I never want to lead the way and have it be a failure! I think it also has to do with only having a limited number of friends here...in Victoria it's easier, though not as great as in Holland, because you know that you'll know someone no matter what. Even in Montreal I found it tough, even with the copious venues, as I felt I didn't really have anyone to ask, and even those I did it stressed me out to plan something. Basically, I just wanna be able to call someone up, and go for a beer, and then dance my ass off, without it being such a hassle!

So, this becomes my homework: find a venue to enable zero stress going out, go...with or without a posse, and one day a posse will develop.

Test for Landmines

WE're having a forum YAY!

Kate "Clean Clothes" Jongbloed

A moment of happiness, a moment of elation. During the time I spent in Scarborough today, a washer miraculously appeared in our kitchen! It's ugly and bootleg, and who knows where it came from and when its function will be replaced with our own functioning washer, but for right now I'm just exctatic at the prospect of clean underwear! clean socks! more vetement choice! I had resorted to a new value village wardrobe every week to get over this hump of non-laundry (I calculated and figured it would only be about twice as expensive as using the laundromat, and it would be money more lastingly spent in the long run as I would still wear the new clothes after our washer was returned in full working order, and it had the bonus of minimizing my insatiable appetite for clothes shopping.), but now the long loved staples will be back in rotation!

So, I'm currently in a mad rush to get as many loads done before my competition for washer access returns in the form of roommates. I figure I can at least get two or three loads through, and also get first dibs on the drying racks, which will certainly not go far given the amount of dirty laundry that will get clean tonight! I can just picture a gloriously messy house, covered top to bottom, on every available drying space, with our assorted styles and style mistakes!

Hurrah!

Stagnant Blog

I wonder, given my lack of interest in blogs (specifically mine) at the moment, if anyone will read this blog. However, in this case the tree still exists even if noone hears it fall.

I am in a one track mode right now. This year is all about PLACEMENT. Yes, three years ago when I decided I wanted to pursue an education in International Development, I was largely swayed by the prospect of one year overseas working in a development situation. And so, preparation for that year is now upon me...inside me...in my head, on my tongue, in my inbox. Some things are becoming clearer: I will actually find myself in a country of the Global South in 9 months or less. I am excited and scared shitless at this notion, fearing curling iron withdrawl and a general sense of uselessness/helplessness. I also know that there are some VERY interesting initiatives going on in the world with the intent to alleviate poverty, and I'm interested in being part of one (or more as life goes on).

I find myself in meetings with potential employers, excited about their projects and mandate, or in others, afraid at the responsibility and self-direction that is required of me. I am conscious of my marks, of the potential to apply the things I'm learning in class, and the state of my resume.

These being the thoughts cycling through my head, I think it's important also to look at the linear and the concrete that is also present in my thoughts: I would really like to find myself in South Asia next year, working with people who I learn from and who direct me successfully in a project that I feel is useful and productive in the face of extreme inequality. Period. This being said, I'm sure that wherever I end up, it will be an experience like none other- perhaps one that I will be loath to repeat, but one that helps me learn about the world a whole lot more and propells me out of academia into real life.

So, stay tuned for my placement wows and woes. Perhaps I'll write more from Anuradhapura?

Kate

Yo

I think that fall is my favourite season. I always go in for transition, although I tend not to deal with it very well. Fall is one of those times that catches up (or slows down) to fit my state of mind. I feel like a cozy and solitary but on the go person most of the time, and fall is that time of year. You bundle up to go out, but still go out. Everything feels so alive, and the weather is perfect for my favourite new look: old man chic. Thank you value village for your trench coats and wool pants. Anyway, I must go and enjoy my season. Peace.

It's getting cold in here.

Bah. Winter is setting in. It is one of those yummy sundays where you're unlikely to venture out of the house, as you're content to avoid adventure for the day. The colours of my bedroom were made for days like this, and so were miso soup lunches. My housemate Jen is wandering around with a vivid pink scarf around her neck, and the cold really is just making things more warm.

I am struggling with a paper that calls for me to revolutionize development. Of course I'm struggling. If I could just slip one novel or innovative idea in I would be content. Alas, I feel academically marginalized to such an extent, which combined with a general dissatisfaction with development as a notion makes it virtually impossible to complete the assignment.

And in my current state of coziness and overflowing creativity (it's been one of those months...one of those that I've never had before), I just want to MAKE SOMETHING! With this in mind I have resolved to perhaps allow myself an hour or two to convert my flowerpot bench into an ottoman. Wish me luck.

Kate

M.Dot

Am in Montreal once again, if only for a moment. As we approached (I was driving!), I felt this wave of emotion (as it seems that all emotion comes in waves, no matter how generic that may sound) fill me with love and excitement for being back. And as we drove up St Laurent, I felt at home, and that I fit in. It's a reaction that I didn't expect, as I've been so happy in Toronto. I guess I'll just have to reserve a smidgen of my future to come back here.

Hurrah for happiness.

life

I feel like I have a lot of posts that are entitled life. I define life sort of separate from living. Right now I'm in a life phase, because my days are full full full, but I've got no exceptional stories to recount as a result. I wake up at 7, eat breakfast, go to school, maybe go to work or the gym or do homework, and sometimes paint, go out, and eat gyros, which fills my day completely until 11:30 when I fall into bed exhausted. Then, of course, it starts all over again. Living, on the other hand, provides the kind of entertainment I know you, the four that read my blog, love and want.

However, I must admit that I'm finding huge satisfaction and general happiness as a result of life right now. I'm keeping up with myself for the first time in ages, and producing output. Hurrah. Really, I don't know anyway else to explain it.

No-Value Mart

So, I've done it before and I'll do it again. This blog is part Kate, part comparative food shopping/vending exploits. Perhaps that is me?

I went to the local Valu-Mart today, and as usual the entire experience was ridiculous. Perhaps my supermarket perceptions are warped because of my tremendous epicerie experiences in Montreal (see previous posts for details), but I don't think so. There was one time when there was a two per customer limit on toilet paper, and the couple infront of me was trying to buy six packages. I stepped in and offered to buy the third pair, so they handed me the money and I gave it to the cashier. Instead of a simple, "sorry, you can't do that", I got a verbal melodrama on how she was going to lose her job because of us and bla bla bla. Another crucial factor in the Valu-Mart's ridiculous masquerade as somewhere I'd really like to spend the 6oclock dash for tonight's dinner is the fact that they hire hairnetted old women to restock the shelves instead of delightful young men (think Thrifties Produce Boys....hawt.) Also, they're having a phase now of selling President's Choice credit cards. It's always the same guy, but he asks me to sign up every time, both on my way in and way out.

But, today, it was probably the most practical disappointment I've experienced at No-Valu Mart. I went in for three items: (knowing full well that I'd end up with more) soft tortillas, yogurt and milk. First, they have no whole wheat tortillas. Fine, okay, they can only get a limited amount each day to ensure that they don't have surplus because they won't be able to sell it anymore because it's not fresh. Okay. Second, yogurt. The store didn't have any plain skim yogurt. None. Not even the expensive brand. And I was there at the time of day when everyone does their shopping, on a weekday! Milk I had no trouble with but then came the extra items. Popcorn. I seriously went up and down every possible isle looking for it...except obviously the frozen food section where it would not have been. Wrong. There it was, right next to the door to the back, next to the halibut nuggets and lean cuisine. It's not the first time I've had trouble finding stuff there. I went for nacho chips, and there weren't any. Ridiculous, no? Okay, today I found where they are hidden...in the mexican food isle, nowhere near the chips and pop!

AAAAArrrrgggg! All I ask for is for a well organized grocery store, with reasonable prices and friendly faces. Will every shopping trip be a hike out of my neigbourhood or a battle with nonexistant logic and unhappy staff? Shoot me now.

Neutrality

I know that I've talked to some of you about it already, but I just wanted to say it here. I've been feeling very intellectually neutral lately, as though there's a lot going in but not a lot coming out as a result. I've becoming introverted, not only socially, but academically as well. I have a tutorial class where one gets marks for participation, but I fear speaking up. Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice) once said, "We don't like to speak unless we'll say something that will amaze the whole room," and I often feel that way. The discussion we have is nothing but regurgitation of the text or the class, said as if it was our own. Yet I can't seem to rise above that type of conversation myself. I want to amaze the whole room!

Ah Ha!

I am online again. Hurrahrific.

My mum is here visiting in Toronto. It's great to spend time with her, as it's been a while, but more than that too: this is the first time she's come to visit me at my house. Prior to this, she's never seen the way I live when I'm not at home in BC. For the past year, I've had a whole life- friends, routines, habitat- that she's never seen before. I'm glad that now when I chat to her on the phone, she'll know what I"m talking about. She'll know the comute to school, but that it's worth it not to live in Scarborough. She'll know who Sarah is when I tell her it's her birthday. She'll know where I'm sitting when I tell her I'm emailing her from the library.

It's always strange to have a past life and a present one overlap. Jess is in town from Montreal...there's overlap there too. I guess I should perhaps categorize less?

I'm back.

Love Kate