Scarborough Sea(n)

I went a bit squirly yesterday from reading too much, and feeling trapped in Scarborough, in F6. The world has been so bleek for the past few days, not in relation to me, but in general. I am extremely happy, but worry for the future of humanity. I felt that I needed an adventure to break the negative intertia, but couldn't come up with anything to do besides read Tom Robbins (but I was too squirly from reading already) or watch tv (which makes me more squirly if I'm feeling squirly already). My inability to come up with an appropriate adventure made me feel even more claustrophobic.

In polar opposition, however, today brought the perfect adventure. Sean dropped by, on bike. (***side note: I love things that weren't novel in Victoria, but here are decidedly novel. Bikes for example). I rode once around a campus block, and loved it. We found another bike, and set off with picnic through the valley to the lake. I'd never been before, and I don't quite know why not. Being from Halifax and Victoria, Sean and I did our best to pretend that the lake was an ocean and the breeze was salty. The sea gulls helped the illusion. We picnic'd beside a bronco on the beach and went home via the Quick Stop mart searching for Cyclones.

I don't know what the best part was, being near water, biking, the search for cyclones, simply the idea of adventure, or Sean's company. Perhaps, in true University student post-modernist logic, it was a combination of all five factors. Thanks Sean for encouraging adventure.

La Vie

I've been living real life lately. School often feels like a hiatus. Time has stopped for a moment, and you have to get through this stage before times begins again. Even high school felt more like real life. But, since I've only got one assignment to do before finals, and everyone else is overwhelmed, I am just living. My real life activities include coffee breaks, knitting, dishes, vaccuming, novel reading, painting and corresponding with people left uncorresponded.

Every once in a while I get a whelm (as opposed to an overwhelm) of remembering Victoria. The most common type is thinking about the restaurants and cafes. I miss Eugenes, Pagliacci's, Paradiso, The Wooden Shoe, and Caffe Fantastico- I know I could find similar places here, but I haven't and it's frustrating. Lately, though, I've started missing people. I miss the connections I had with people that I haven't found here. People that I can talk to about anything, and nothing feels conditional. Here, there is a strange dynamic. None of us feel totally comfortable with our situtations, and therefore everything feels a little unstable, including friendships. I think that's why they say that the friends you make at university are the friends that you'll have forever: if you can get through this time of tumult and insecurity together, you can get through anything.

Joie

I am so happy. No reason, just am. Things make me smile and smile and smile. I like ladies that take a long time to count out exact change, I like forcing people to try new things, I like people who write in pedantic prose, and I like feeling that I have free time. I love the city I live in, and I look forward to showing you around it. Yea you.

Something I've been thinking about lately is things I've got in common with people. My friend Jen here in TDot- we're the same person. We're intense, enthusiastic, drama and dance-yo'-pants off. Then there's Mel, my roommate- and we're the same person. We have the same insecurites, the same passion for passion, the same penchant for the attention of the opposite sex...But then when I think about the number of people I see such intense similarietes with I realize how different they all are. Case in point: comparing Mel and Jen. So different.

Love.

Ma Tante

Just back from a fabulous fabulous weekend away. I met Paulette, Philippe and Christian in Ottawa and we went from there to Mt Tremblant in Quebec for a couple of days of skiing. The chalet was full to the brim with fun frenchies, and now I feel like I've got some family out here! The mountain itself was great (very similar to Mt Washington) and the village was chic beyond belief. We went to Le Shack for an apres ski pitcher, but could have painted the town red if we'd wanted to. Spent the second day with Helene and Bill, and ran into some Torontonians as well (my hookup for future ski trips???). Back in Ottawa on Monday, we spent a pleasant day poking around the Byward Market where I visited my favourite hot sauce store and nearly bought a Persian Carpet!!! Now I'm back safe and sound, infront of my computer once again. Many thanks to those who made it possible- I'll see you at the cottage in the summer!

In other news, I went to Italian Night at the Distrikt the other day, to see Mauro Picotto. With Mel as company, we managed to avoid all the Ginos and have a mostly wicked time. Italian flags for souvenirs, and the memory of some really good music.

[Have a feeling I used a few too many cliches in that one.]

A Short List of Favourites

I am going through a phase of overwhelming joy for certain smallish things. My list keeps getting longer, which is fantastic. Three cheers for perpetual adventure.

1) Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O'Conner
2) Yellow Tail Chardonnay
3) Pointy boots with raggedy ass jeans
4) The Onion
5) Yarmulke

I've also got a list of things I'm looking forward to, other than daily life in general:

1) Tremblant next weekend, plus a little Ottawa action.
2) Montreal for the summer, with the one and only Zim
2.5) Perhaps insert a bout of summer language bursary program here
3) Living in Toronto proper starting September
4) The Netherlands for Christmas 2004
5) Surprise Reading week 2005
6) IDS Coop placement September 2005

That's a long way in the future, but mutha fucka.
Hoof.

The best is that there will be so much unscheduled adventure in between that I don't even know about yet! Perhaps visits to Coburg and Cambridge? Halifax?

I am the luckiest girl in the world. Seriously.

Fantastic Smith

The Marvel of Saturday: I have worked on Saturdays for so long that I am still in awe when I have an entire saturday free. It's the kind of day when you feel like anything is possible, the week's over but the next one is nowhere near starting! It's 1:22 now, and I've written a midterm, worked out, done my laundry, and am ready to enjoy the rest of the day with my fabulous fabulous roommates.

Yes, I did purposely move into a fab fab roomie blog, as it seems to be the theme of the week. But while the others are mourning the end to F6, I say bullshit. We still have to be bridesmaids at each other's weddings! This won't end anytime soon. I heart dancing, cooking and clothing with you girls.

In other news, my fav. ab workout: The Onion (credit to Sean for introducing us).

But, I should go and enjoy the presence of my roomies instead of just writing about them!

A Temporary Pessamist

Here you go Sean.

I am having a bad day. I woke up feeling like I wasn't trying hard enough, getting things done well enough or fast enough, or just plain being good enough. My To Do list has remained the same length for the past week, and I have some dirty dishes in the sink. And worst of all, summer is looming ahead, and I have no idea what it holds for me- I don't even know where I'm going to live! My mum, in her sweet (sometimes difficult) conscientious way sent me a job search website today, which is an excellent start. Tim Hortons is hiring.

After last summer's job drama, I am scared shitless of finding something this summer. I don't have to confidence to go out and do what my friends seem to be doing- camp counsellor (too much responsibility), project coordination at an ngo (too much responsibility). Even the receptionist jobs listed on the HRBC site require "decision making capabilities", a capability I feel I lack.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, all I really want to do is enable someone else's genius. How do I go about doing that?

Waggwhan?

Ah. And so another one of life's weeks has come to an end. I wonder if it is good to have so much adventure crammed into one, rather than have it more evenly dispersed through the other 51 weeks in a year. This was an amazing trip because it was interesting and relaxing at the same time. While it was only a week, I think that it's prepped me for future travels more than Europe has. I think it'll prove especially useful for my IDS placement year because of what it has shown me about how I interact with people from different cultures in their setting, and also about spending time in a developing country in general. I wondered what topics were taboo, and how much people wanted to talk to an outsider, especially one disguised as an American tourist. But, I found that when I was interested, they were happy to tell me their perspective of Jamaica- and in the end I have a variety of different stories. They tell us to be aware of variability within a culture, but it had never really been concrete until this trip. I'm rambling a bit about just a couple of thoughts this trip prompted, and I'm sure more will come as I further disect my fabulous Jamaican holiday. It's not a cohesive Kate-esque blog, with events detailed consecutively, but I suppose the "no problems" attitude has taken me over.

One love.

Notes from a Small Island

Oh! The contradiction of life and unlife that is Jamaica. I've said it before and I'll say it again (with slight variation), that I find it very strange to be in a place where two worlds collide like they do here. We learn about inequality, but in rarely Canada do you see it through such stark contrast. KFC, McDonalds one block, corrugated iron towns the next. It is strange that the best maintained infrastructure here are the advertising billboards. Driving over a potholey road, inundated by donunt and mango sales people at every intersection, you don't expect to look up and see something shiny and toothy.

After learning a bit about Jamaica before I left Toronto, it is interesting to arrive here and talk to the locals about it- what the problems are, where they stem from and what the answer is. The answer to the first two questions is a long enough story, that the third is difficult to get to. All it prompts is further discussion of the first two questions. In addition, the issues brought up in these discussions differ greatly from those in the books and movies I've taken in

The sense of ickyness is almost paralyzing, not that I would be able to do anything anyway in my week here. Will I even have a nice conclusive statement at the end of it? At the same time, I'm more relaxed than I have been since leaving BC, adventure of any kind nearly guarantees it.

Thanks to the Hilton boys (perhaps not as sexy as Paris...) and the rest currently contributing to my positive Pina Colada Karma.

Nearly A Rasta

Oh! The Juxtaposition of life and unlife that is Kingston. I'm sitting here full of all you can eat Lobster from the Kingston Hilton's kitchens (the hook up is fabulous fabulous), and I have a free bed here tonight, with someone to pick up my barely used towels in the morning. All this after spending the day in downtown Kingston, and Trench Town where Bob Marley got his start. Again it brings me to this question, what is more important, achievement of happiness or escape from poverty? And how does Kingston fall into all of this? Tomorrow I am going to see how the rich Jamaicans live, looking down on the rest of Kingston from their million dollar homes.

Thanks to my dad, who always makes me ask questions.

Do not disturb.

Kate In Jamaica

Drinking a bottle of Wata, quenching my thirst the way nature intended. Have just arrived in Kingston, driven past the slums and arrived at the Hilton. Am too ridiculously excited to type.

See you soon, browner and more aware.

OMG Jamaica. It's coming up so fast. Wish me luck.

Holla Back

What is really Fabulous Fabulous is how Fabulous Fabulous has taken off. I love it. It's always been my goal to penetrate and integrate. Legacizing, and I'm only 20.

Listening: Be Careful of My Heart, by Tracey Chapman

Reading: Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates, by Tom Robbins (thanks Sean)

Breathing: carefully

Thinking: 1000 thoughts a second, as per the usue. Wouldn't it be nice if they were useful?

Blog Karma Returns

And today, just because of my previously mentioned blog karma, I have had one of my specific questions answered. Today in Environment and Development, Tony Price basically answered for me the research question that I've got to tackle for an upcoming paper in his class. Thank you Tony, but it's a bit sketchy really...I can't just regurgetate everything that he's said.

Oh, and Jamaica tickets arrived by courier today. Two fabulouses in one moment: getting something from a courier and getting tickets for Jamaica!

Yes or No?

I find myself in a slightly paradoxical state, unable to find the answers to my questions. I know that it has been discussed before, but as usual, only when it relates to me do I really start to contemplate it. Even though we live in a knowledge rich, info-at-our-fingertips type of society, it is still a seemingly endless quest to find what information I am looking for. For example, I am trying to plan my imminent reading week trip to Jamaica, and am concerned primarily about two things: transportation and accommodation. So, I look at the internet, I read travel books, I talk to my Jamaican friends Traci and Alex. All I was is for someone to tell me, “this is the best and cheapest place to stay, this is how much it costs, and this is how you reserve.” Instead I get, “you could stay here or here or here”, or even worse, “they said you should stay there? No, you should…”. There is simply too much information to get through, or not a specific enough answer to your specific question.

Even with this perceived deficiency of information, everything you could ever want to know is still out there. My friend Ayal said to me once after I told him I wanted to revolutionize development, that there was no way either of us, no matter how creative and innovative we both are, are going to come up with something new. It is as though the creation of ideas is at a limit, and what is thought of now is simply a progression or adaptation of something that has already been thought. I mean, who the hell is going to invent a new political ideology? Or create a new colour? [watch me eat my words in the future].

At the same time though, epiphany and eureka moments still prevail when you look at knowledge, ideas and information in relation to yourself. Each time an idea is integrated, or you gain further insight, you can feel the satisfaction of making the world a better place, if only because you have that much of a greater understanding. And so, I will continue to ask specific questions, even if it takes me longer than desired to find the answer, and I will continue to feel self satisfaction when I think of something potentially earth shatteringly original, moments before I read it three paragraphs further in the article I’m reading. And I will continue believing that reality is created only in relation to the individual.

21: DLF

It's almost Jess Zimbler's Birthday. Happy birthday, Jess. Dude like fuck. CU on the Flipside. This post could be all inside jokes, because that's a lot of what Jess's about, but instead I think perhaps I will talk about something else.

The thing that amazes me about Jess is that forever friends is really forever friends. She still has the notes I wrote her in High School. She still sends me letters today. And she reads my blogs. When we finished high school, and she went away, she remained more a fundemental part of "the group" than I did, even though I stayed in Vic. I admire her so much for the continuous effort she puts into loving people, even though they're not around her. Why can't I be like that?

And in a heart beat she will offer anything she has if you want it- perhaps an apartment in Montreal for May?

Anyway, this girl defines fabulous fabulous, and inspires me to love people still that I once loved in the past, and still technically love, but sometimes don't remember that I love.

Carpe Gingerale

When you blog it, it will come.

I was telling my friend Sean today (fabulous fabulous) that something good happens to me about ever 20 minutes. Hugh Grant in About A Boy divides the day into thirty minute blocks, and my mum suggests that one should reevaluate one's emotions approximately every 20 seconds, but twenty minutes is my measure. This morning, I was woken up with bacon, eggs and toast in bed, prepared by my fabulous fabulous roommate Kate. And then about twenty minutes later (give or take a couple of hours), I found a flight to Jamaica for $399. I had six twenty minute sections while in International Health Policy, and learned something new and fabulous fabulous (FF) during each block. And then afterwards, I ran into FF Sean who clued me into the fact that if I stuck around for about 20 minutes, I would find myself presented with an array of FF free food, presented to me in celebration of the incoming new principal of our school. It was well worth the 20 minute wait, primarily due to the bries, the tortellini, the sushi and the ghurkins. And then, right before my very eyes, I found a can of gingerale. The essence of serendipity. In the words of my FF roommate Mel, I decided to Carpe Gingerale.

Pray for Rain

My dad always makes fun of conversations about the weather, but the weather here this week is worth blogging about even! It started snowing yesterday, and still hasn't stopped. As the snowing technique changes, my roommates explain the difference between each type of snow. Who knew that there was a difference between frozen rain and hail. They're predicting an extra 15 to 20 centimeters tonight, and there was a dump of about the same yesterday. Looking out of my window at all the little matching houses makes me feel like I'm at a ski resort. Except for the lack of skiing.

It's funny how weather makes me think of god. Climate is probably the most significant thing that causes me to be skeptical of his existance. Seriously, if there is a god, how the hell can he justify this climactic variation. Who invents snow? Ridiculous. I guess you could say who invents famine- and I would say humans do, but we sure didn't invent snow.

Sitting in my cosy house, with plenty of food and a tv and computer for entertainment, no more than one km from school, I am baffled at how people survived in this weather with any less. Honestly. I just don't get it. I'm living in a city that pays for anti frostbite advertising on the radio, yet there is a city here, with people in it, and they survive.

I didn't realize when they said "snow" that it would have such an effect on my daily life. Thank heavens for pilates videos or I would emerge in May (cause that's when they say it'll be over) a hundred pounds heavier, and probably incapable of walking a distance longer than the living room to my bed room. And I wear touques and scarves and mits. In Vic it's fairly uncool to even wear a jacket, and here all my friends are running around in leg warmers and long johns. I said to Mel the other day that I'd always heard about this notion of "putting away your summer clothes", but never got it. Here I actually can't wear skirts. That's what the frostbite warnings tell me- skin exposed for 15mins plus results in amputation.

And the worst of it is that I'm craving gingerale.

Chilean deli fights

Four day weekends are fanstastic because you can fill them up to the brim with fantastic things to do and they have more space than you ever possibly imagine...wait, they obviously don't, according to the decided lack of homework I accomplished this weekend. But I'm happy, and not too far behind, so that's what counts right?

This weekend had lots of varied elements of things that I really like: cute boys, Kensington Market, deli time, chilean wine and girl talk, bagels and lox, subways, pilates, L6, fake fur hats, bollywood, more subway, homemade Turkish food, "family" time, and laundry out the ying yang. Honerable mention goes to pillowfights, romantic comedy, a World Bank report on HIV/Aids in Africa and clean sheets.

Thank you so so so much to Saniye and the Yilmaz's for the tumble dryer and plethora of new tastes. Thank you thank you thank you!

Oh, and who the f**k is Bob?

Shut up

Bla bla bla bla blaaa blaaa bla bla bla bla bla lbal bla bla lbal bla bla bla bla
bla bla. Bla bla alb alb alb. Bla bla. Bla! Bla bla lba bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla bla????

Things I feel like writing but don't want anyone to hear.